20 dumbest superhero movie moments | Virgin Media
20 dumbest superhero movie moments

20 dumbest superhero movie moments

15/02/2016Movies

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Wisecracking smart-ass Deadpool joins the pantheon of movie superheroes this week, a meta character who can't resist commenting on quite how ridiculous his own movie genre is. What better way to celebrate his arrival, we thought, than a rundown of the 20 dumbest moments from superhero movies to date? Believe us, we had plenty to choose from...

20. The giant, impossible bat signal in The Dark Knight Rises

Batman is alive! The same can’t be said for the pigeons roosting on the bridge, though

Batman is alive! The same can’t be said for the pigeons roosting on the bridge, though

Christopher Nolan tried very, very hard to make his Batman movies serious in tone – an act that was quite necessary after the debacle that was Batman & Robin – but we had a hard time believing this bit. So, after being exiled from Gotham for months on end, Bruce Wayne somehow managed to sneak back in undetected, and under Bane's nose, somehow found the time and resources to construct a giant, accurate bat signal made out of fire on the town's bridge? After just breaking his back? Chris. No.

19. Harry's butler finally spills the beans in Spider-Man 3

Oh, NOW you pipe up Bernard!

Oh, NOW you pipe up Bernard!

Spider-Man 3 had several problems – it was over-long, it had too many villains, it could pretty much fill this feature by itself – but the most offensive scene of all was a quiet, man-to-man chat between Harry Osborn and his butler. Houseman, the Osborn family hired help, decides to wait until the end of the third movie to tell young Harry that he knew all along that his father was insane and that Peter was not to blame for his death. After Harry had been scarred for life, and had tried to kill Peter. Several times. You can't get the staff these days etc etc.

18. Steve's bobblehead in Captain America: The First Avenger

A well-meaning wimp with the heart of a lion and bonce of a desk toy

A well-meaning wimp with the heart of a lion and bonce of a desk toy

An example of CG effects being not-quite-close-enough to achieve the desired affect, the opening scenes of Captain America: The First Avenger gave Steve Rogers a head transplant, taking Chris Evans' chunky, turnip-sized head and sticking it on the body of a skinny runt. The visual was necessary to show that Steve was strong in character if not in body, but the effect was something akin to a comedy desktop bobblehead.

17. Angel's strip show in X-Men: First Class

Furthering the cause of mutants, but pushing back feminism by fifty years

Furthering the cause of mutants, but pushing back feminism by fifty years

X-Men: First Class was a return to form for the X-Men franchise but it was unfortunately riddled with sexist scenes that betrayed the franchise's 'equality for all' message. First there was the totally unnecessary scene where Rose Byrne's Moira McTaggart strips to her underwear to infiltrate Sebastian Shaw's nightclub, then followed the scene where Xavier and Magneto recruit Zoe Kravitz's mutant Angel, who just happens to be working as a stripper. Of course, the men get to see her dance before they reveal their motives. Ugh.

16. Northern line confusion in Thor: The Dark World

The Dark World of the London Underground

The Dark World of the London Underground

The London Underground is not hard to understand. Nor is it hard to research. So why is it Hollywood movies so consistently get its geography wrong? The Thor sequel saw the Norse God of Thunder decamp to the capital but the writers obviously didn't do their homework: when Thor jumps on the Northern line at Charing Cross, a fellow commuter tells him he's three stops from Greenwich, which is just a flagrant lie. It may not matter to you, Hollywood, but it matters to us!

15. The infamous 'cellophane S' in Superman II

Who knew a thin sheet of plastic was enough to defeat super villains?

Who knew a thin sheet of plastic was enough to defeat super villains?

Richard Donner's Superman movies are generally considered to be untouchable classics, but there is one moment in the sequel that garnered quite a bit of ire with fans. When confronted with Zod and his goons at his Fortress of Solitude, Superman suddenly pulls a cellophane 'S' symbol from his chest and throws it at Non the Kryptonian. It sort of wraps around him for a bit, awkwardly, before fading away and disappearing. So... what was the point of that? He never uses it again, probably because the effect is something like getting covered in a wet and particularly annoying shower curtain. For a bit.

14. Thor's paddling pool in Avengers: Age Of Ultron

It’s bath time for Thor

It’s bath time for Thor

Joss Whedon was pretty vocal about the problems he faced when cutting together the second sprawling Avengers movie, and they were none more evident than in the scene where Thor has a vision in a rock pool. Firstly, we're not told why he needed to recruit Erik Selvig to take him there. Secondly, we're not told where 'there' is. Thirdly, we're not told what's going on at all and must be content with seeing Chris Hemsworth writhing around a rock pool with his shirt off. Then he returns with all the answers. Do share, Thor mate.

13. iPod vampire slaying in Blade: Trinity

That new Cheeky Girls album is really catchy

That new Cheeky Girls album is really catchy

This is product placement at its absolute worst. Blade: Trinity was a movie mired in awfulness – Wesley Snipes despised his co-stars and director – but the most galling scene sees Jessica Biel don a pair of iPod headphones before she embarks on a slaying session. "She's making playlists," says her partner, Ryan Reynolds. "She likes to listen to MP3s when she hunts. It's like her own internal soundtrack, you know?" Yes, we often think that impairing your hearing and locational skills while getting into fights is a good idea.

12. The ending of The Amazing Spider-Man

Spider-Man’s had more reboots than Windows 7

Spider-Man’s had more reboots than Windows 7

The Amazing Spider-Man failed in its one important goal: to give a good enough reason why the franchise needed to be rebooted. The movie never really got going, but by the time it started to draw to a desperate close, it was received about as well as a fart in a spider-suit. The cheesiest scene saw New York construction workers come to Spidey's aid by moving their conveniently placed cranes into his path so he could use them to swing to Oscorp Tower, despite not knowing what he wanted or where he was going. In real life, they can't even keep the damn things upright.

11. Computer assimilation in Superman III

The blue lasers she shoots from her fingers and eyes make her look like she’s in a Muse video

The blue lasers she shoots from her fingers and eyes make her look like she’s in a Muse video

The public had a healthy fear of computers in the 80s, but Superman III made that fear quite literal in one terrifyingly dumb scene that scarred an entire generation for life. During a struggle, villainess Vera Webster gets entangled in her brother's evil super-computer, and as we all learned at school, if you touch an evil super-computer, you get... altogether now... turned into a cyborg, that's right. The transformation scene is cringe worthy to the extreme, with special effects that looked a lot like someone had stuck some bits of plastic to Vera's face with some glitter glue.

10. Young Charles Xavier's cameo in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

That is some heavy-duty beauty work

That is some heavy-duty beauty work

The X-Men franchise is just seven movies strong, but even by the fourth film – the first Wolverine prequel in 2009 – the chronology was absolutely all over the shop. For example, take the scene where the mutants flee from Three Mile Island, only to be rescued by a young and upright Charles Xavier. That's not so bad by itself, but just two years later, prequel X-Men: First Class saw an even younger Xavier confined to a wheelchair, so what gives? Also, Emma Frost as seen in X-Men: Origins Wolverine was just a little girl; in prequel First Class, she's a grown-up hot chick in a diamante bra. Huh?

9.  Evil Peter struts his stuff in Spider-Man 3

Not even Evil Superman from Superman 3 danced

Not even Evil Superman from Superman 3 danced

One of the major problems with Spider-Man 3 was in establishing the threat of what would happen if Peter Parker gave in to the lure of the black alien suit. As it turns out, the threat mainly took the form of lame disco dancing. Parker finally giving into his most sinister urges felt about as edgy as an egg salad: doing a Saturday Night Fever strut, badly, should not in any way, shape or form constitute 'having a dark side'.

8.  Battlefield: Milton Keynes in Superman IV: The Quest For Peace

Behold the sprawling metropolis that is Milton Keynes

Behold the sprawling metropolis that is Milton Keynes

Superman might have special powers but he couldn't make money appear from nowhere; hence why his ill-fated eco-adventure, The Quest For Peace, wasn't shot in glamorous New York or even in passable Toronto but in Milton Keynes. The movie is full of scenes that tease the edges of a half-empty city of concrete and glass, with several shots featuring random 'fire hydrants' on the pavement/sidewalk to 'New York' up the place. It didn't work. We noticed.

7.  Nicolas Cage's fake abs in Ghost Rider

Why use a personal trainer, when you can just do the CGI diet?

Why use a personal trainer, when you can just do the CGI diet?

It'd take quite the spectacle to be the most ridiculous thing in a movie about a skeleton on a motorcycle with a flaming head, but Nicolas Cage is capable of such movie magic, and he duly provided here. Cage played stunt rider Johnny Blaze but was at least 20 years too old for the role; that didn't stop him donning a wig, and when the occasion called for it, drafting in a special effects team to create a fake digital washboard stomach for when he checks out his abs in the mirror. Oh Nic. Never change.

6.  Aerial daddy issues in Green Lantern

That’s it, let the boo hoos out

That’s it, let the boo hoos out

Green Lantern was a superhero movie that struggled from the get-go to be taken seriously, but the script did the concept no favours whatsoever. Ryan Reynolds' hero and ace pilot Hal Jordan was a sensitive type and was always having emotional flashbacks about his dead father at crucial points, like, say, when flying his plane. So... maybe... don't have a photo of your dead dad in your cockpit? Later, Hal goes to a bar and breaks down when he sees his Pop's picture behind the bar. So... maybe... Stop going to that bar? Come on, Hal – help us help you!

5. Superman trashes Metropolis in Man Of Steel

You had ONE job, Superman

You had ONE job, Superman

The end game of Man Of Steel ended up having Metropolis' hero be its eventual destructor – though it was General Zod that was on the offensive, Superman did the city that took him in no favours as he punched his foe through skyscraper after skyscraper, surely crushing thousands of innocents underneath the resulting rubble. Zack Snyder's Superman was more interested in winning a fight than saving lives and that basically made him the anti-Superman.

4. Everything Juggernaut says in X-Men: The Last Stand

The clip that spawned a thousand memes

The clip that spawned a thousand memes

"I'm the Juggernaut!" That says it all, really.

3. Nipples on the Batsuit in Batman Forever

“Comes with utility belt and extra man nubbins!”

“Comes with utility belt and extra man nubbins!”

In retrospect, this was the he beginning of the end for Batman. The rest of Batman Forever is actually pretty passable: Val Kilmer is a respectable stand-in for Michael Keaton, Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones trade-off for just the right amount of manic energy and contained threat, and Nicole Kidman was perfectly serviceable as love interest Chase Meridian. But nipples on the Batsuit? A rubber recreation of totally useless male nubbins? There could only be one explanation: Batman was about to be milked dry.

2. Storm's pre-kill pun in X-Men

Storm gets ready to drop another amazing zinger

Storm gets ready to drop another amazing zinger

Bryan Singer's X-Men may be the granddaddy of the modern superhero movie, but that's not to say it's perfect – in fact, the script is pretty patchy. The worst line by far – and it's one of the worst lines in any film, ever – is Storm's pre-kill pun when she's set to take down Ray Park's amphibious villain Toad. "You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning?" says Halle Berry's Storm. "The same thing that happens to everything else." An eternity passes before Toad dies of embarrassment.

1. Everything Mr Freeze says in Batman & Robin, literally absolutely everything

The Ice Man cometh, and he is ridiculouth

The Ice Man cometh, and he is ridiculouth

It is astonishing how bad the script for Batman & Robin is. You can't believe it until you've seen it. It is truly atrocious, not because the movie is camp – like that's ever been a problem for a Batman movie – but because it is so thuddingly 'first draft', lazily swinging at the most obvious jokes and easiest puns at every opportunity. Absolutely everything Mr Freeze says is in this movie is a riff on temperature and that gets old just as quickly as you think it would. Just try and watch this video without dying a little bit inside.

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