Movie aliens come in all shapes, sizes and psychoses. For every cuddly best friend-in-waiting, there are more than enough bloodthirsty, homo sapiens-hating intergalactic douchebags ready to obliterate us all to sundry. With Alien: Covenant hitting cinemas this week and reinforcing that very fictional fact, we figured we’d put your innate movie alien knowledge to the test, to see which is your extraterrestrial spirit animal.
Just answer the following questions, and tally up your answers at the end.
1. You crash land on an alien planet and you hear someone coming. How do you react?
(A) You drop the flora samples you’ve been gathering and rush off to find the nearest safe space (probably a tool shed).
(B) You climb the nearest tall object, hide in the shadows and decide when to eviscerate them.
(C) You centre yourself, balance your inner Zen and stand your ground, ready to face whatever comes next.
(D) You flip on your stealth camouflage and stand incredibly still, waiting for the danger to pass before assessing the situation.
2. What do you eat?
(A) Reese’s Pieces.
(B) Humans. Cats. Anything biological, really.
(C) Rootleaf stew.
(D) Raw meat and vegetables.
3. What’s your life philosophy?
(A) Live, learn, love, and phone home.
(B) Murder eviscerate decapitate kill-y kill kill.
(C) Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. Always pass on what you have learned.
(D) Exotically aggressive Darwinism. The strong survive.
4. You’re told you have to look after a class full of children. Do you…
(A) Embrace the opportunity with light-hearted, gleeful abandon, encouraging the class to take part in activities like dressing up or cycling.
(B) Eviscerate them all.
(C) Gather them together, and teach them galactic philosophy and the harmony of the universe.
(D) Ascertain the strongest of the pack, and challenge them to a fight to the death.
5. You find yourself trapped aboard a ship floating through space, surrounded by hostile, flame-throwing humans. Do you…
(A) Shuffle towards them, with glowing finger outstretched as an act of peace.
(B) Pick them off one by one, dragging them into the darkness and, you guessed it, eviscerating them.
(C) Acknowledge that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. So you try to reason with them, but - if patience fails - defend yourself using your lightsaber and all manner of backflippery.
(D) See it as a challenge of preposterously bloody proportions - and one you’d heartily relish.
6. An android tries to become your friend. You respond by…
(A) Eagerly becoming friends, and then try to use his in-built wifi as a mobile antenna to help you contact your family.
(B) Pausing for thought. And then eviscerating them.
(C) Treating them as you’d treat any other species, biological or otherwise. Some of your best friends are androids.
(D) Ascertaining their attack capabilities, and if they’re a threat.
7. What do you like to do in your spare time?
(A) Read, garden, explore psychic connections with your friends.
(B) Relax with a good boo… who are we kidding? Eviscerate.
(C) Sit on intergalactic council meetings, train young’uns in the art of meditation and lightsaber-fighting, and chill out on remote backwater swamp planets.
(D) Enter a LOT of competitive fitness games. Imagine the space/universe-level equivalent of Tough Mudder, and you’re half way there.
How did you do?
Mostly As: You are ET.
You're a homebody at heart, and terrible with directions. While at times you may find communication a problem, your sweet demeanour, overwhelming charm and big glowing heart means that small children in particular are drawn to you.
Mostly Bs: You are a Xenomorph.
A bit of a loner, you find it hard to make connections with people on account of your uncontrollable urge to bite them. All you know is, if you see a stomach, you want to be in it. We suggest that maybe you should work on not coming on so strong.
Find Alien in On Demand > Movies > Virgin Movies
Mostly Cs: You are Yoda.
Wise and humble, you often find yourself acting as a mentor to passing farm hands looking to learn more about themselves and their lineage. However, more to you than meets the eye there is, if anyone can get past your poor grasp of grammar.
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back is available now on Sky Cinema
Mostly Ds: You are a Predator.
Great at playing hide and seek and a keen sportsman, your competitiveness and invisibility skills can make you appear intimidating. However you do have a sentimental side, and enjoy displaying the trophies of your endeavours.
Find AVP: Alien vs. Predator in On Demand > Movies > Virgin Movies