17april20083 movies blog Virgin Media
With nothing more than a laptop, some fava beans and The Force, Virgin Media's news-ravenous blogger dissects the week in movies.
The noisiest food ever
The other day I did something I haven't done in ages – I went to the cinema. Now I know what you're thinking, surely I must go see loads of movies. Well that is true, I do, but these screenings can hardly be described as going to cinema. They're normally held at a weird time of the day in the darkened basement of a nondescript office block somewhere in central London – it's not all premieres and parties I can tell you! No, this time I joined the masses and actually paid to go see a movie. And boy was I for a shock!
Can someone please tell me exactly what is going on with cinema prices? I paid the best part of £15 for two tickets at a certain well-known chain (which shall remain nameless) while popcorn brought a whole new meaning to the term 'credit crunch'. But at least you get a choice; you can either pay something like seven pounds for a small bag or, for just another 30p, you can upgrade to a bucket that would feed the five thousand. And while we're on the subject, why is the noisiest food in the world the leading choice for people about to spend a couple of hours in a big quiet room? Drinks meanwhile either come in small, gallon or Olympic swimming pool sizes! I, for one, am all in favour of sneaking in your own much cheaper food and drink but I am still not sure if that can genuinely get me in trouble or not. Still, being the brave soldier I am, I coughed up and made my way to my seat, only to end up being bombarded with 30 minutes worth of ads and trailers before the movie eventually started!
I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I can get a bit jaded and cynical and maybe I am becoming a bit of a grumpy old man but to you, my cinema-going friends, I doff my cap - I'm not sure I could handle (or afford) to go to the cinema week in, week out.
And what are those depressed looking sausages on those rollers all about?
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Sex And The City
It's not long now before the ladies of 'Sex and the City' make the jump from small screen to big screen with a plot more closely guard than Colonel Saunder's secret mix of herb and spices. But as ever, your trusty friend Garry has already had a sneak peak of the movie and is here with the low down. But do be warned -
THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD TO DON’T READ IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW!
The movie is set four years after the show ended although little has changed for the quartet. Carrie and Mr Big are still dating, Charlotte and Harry are raising their daughter Lily and Miranda has gone all suburban with hubby Steve and their son Brady. Only Samantha has moved on – she's relocated to LA with Smith, whose acting career has taken off.
Tthings soon start to move for Carrie and Big – he buys the perfect apartment for them to live in and, one rather unromantic conversation later, they decide to get hitched. While things are going well for Carrie, Miranda's life is shattered when Steve admits to having slept with another woman after their sex life hit the skids - she moves to Chinatown, taking Brady with her. Meanwhile Carrie's wedding plans are getting slightly out of control thanks to a book of history's greatest love letters, a glossy magazine photo shoot and a stunning Vivienne Westwood dress, something Big is starting to worry about – and his worries are compounded when Miranda, fresh from a blazing row with Steve, tells him he and Carrie must be 'crazy' to be getting married. That's too much for Big and he jilts Carrie on her big day (aaaah!). A heartbroken Carrie is whisked off to Mexico by her gal pals to get away from the city where she starts to bounce back thanks to an incident involving the local water which leaves Charlotte red of face and brown of trouser - classy comedy!
Once back in NYC, Carrie moves back into her apartment and hires an assistant named Louise (Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson) to sort out her life and the first thing she does, at Carrie's request, is block any and all emails Big is sending to try and apologise. The rest of the girls have news too – Charlotte is pregnant, Samantha's relationship with Smith is on the rocks thanks to his long hours at the studio and her lust for a hunky neighbour and Miranda is in counselling to try and patch things up with Steve. It's around now that Miranda confesses her part in the wedding fiasco to Carrie - all hell breaks loose and the pair have a major falling out. Peace is soon restored though.
The months pass and nobody has heard a word from Big – that is until Charlotte finds herself sat across from him in a restaurant. As she 'curses the day he was born', her waters break and he rushes her to the hospital, staying with her and Harry as they welcome baby daughter Rose into the world. But by the time Carrie arrives, he's long gone. Around this time Samantha and Smith call it a day and she moves back to the Big Apple while Miranda and Steve manage to find common ground and get back together. It looks like Carrie is only one without a happy ending – until she unblocks Big's emails and a torrent of history's greatest love letters flood her inbox. She makes one last trip to their perfect apartment, which is just about to be sold, to pick up a pair of shoes she left behind and who should be waiting in her truly huge closet but Big (real name John James Preston SATC fact fans!). A quick smooch, fumble and heart to heart later, the pair are down City Hall faster that you can say Manolo to get married where Carrie and her three friends celebrate. A night on the town and round of Cosmos later and all is good in NYC.
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Indiana Jones
It's taken nearly twenty years for Indiana Jones to return to our screens and finally the long wait is over and last night I managed to get a sneak peak at Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, but be warned, there be spoilers ahead…
Just to confirm - DO NOT READ THIS, THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD!
The action opens in 1957 as a bunch of dastardly Russians - lead by the deadly Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) - invade a familiar looking US military hanger in Nevada, forcing Indy and his old friend Mac (Ray Winstone) to help them find a box containing some mummified remains. Indy finds the casket but, just as he's about to get the upper hand, Mac double crosses him. That doesn't stop Indy from escaping and eventually winning his freedom after managing to dodge a nuclear blast by hiding in a lead lined fridge! Booooom!
His close shave brings Dr Jones to the attention of the FBI and their interest causes him to be 'indefinitely suspended' from his job at the college so he packs up and is about to quit town when a young man on a motorbike arrives, asking for his help. 'Mutt' Williams (Shia LaBeouf) is the son of an old flame of Indiana's who needs his help to rescue his Mum and Jones' old friend Harold Oxley (John Hurt) from the Russians who are trying to find the mythical Crystal Skull of Akator and use its powers to allow the Soviets to control the 'minds of men'. One exciting motorbike chase through the campus later and Indy and Mutt are on their way to South America. -Cue the classic Indy plane/map/red line montage.-
After following some clues left by Oxley, Indy and Mutt find the Skull in a remote Peruvian graveyard but are soon back in the hands of Spalko and her mates where Indy is not only reunited with Oxley and the duplicitous Mac but also finds out who Mutt's mum is (dun-dun-daaaa) none other than Raiders Of The Lost Ark legend Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), who confirms the worst kept secret in the Indyverse; Mutt's real name is Henry and he's their son!
Another epic chase involving sword fights, killer ants and three huge waterfalls later and Indy, Mutt, Marion, Oxley and the recently reformed Mac find Akator and a chamber containing the crystal skeletons of what Oxley describes as 'inter-dimensional beings'. However Mac has once again pulled the wool over Indy's eyes and has lead Spalko straight to them. But, as she begs the strange beings for knowledge, Indy and co. make a swift getaway as the temple starts to crumble around them. Neither Mac, Spalko nor the numerous expendable Russian soldiers make it out alive leaving Indiana, Mutt, Marion and Oxley to watch in awe as a flying saucer (yes a flying saucer) emerges, carrying the creatures back to 'the space between spaces'.
The final scene sees Indy and Marion finally tie the knot as Mutt and their friends look on. A gust of wind blows Indy's famous Fedora to Mutt's feet but, just as Henry Jones III is about to put on the hat, his Dad takes it from him and walks off with his new wife. There is a distinct whiff of sequel but it looks like Indy isn't ready to pass the torch just yet…
Overall, a superb, if a little far-fetched, adventure, but what do you expect, it is Indiana Jones!
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