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Catwoman and The Chronicles of Riddick are just the latest big-budget
turkeys to get eaten up at the box office. Here are ten more celluloid
stinkers you should cross the road to avoid...
From Thunderbirds to The Saint, the record of turning British TV series into expensive blockbusters has not been a happy one. But few small-screen
transfers have been quite as woeful as this $60m attempt to update the campy
exploits of John Steed and Emma Peel, woodenly played here by a miscast
Ralph Fiennes and a leather-clad Uma Thurman. Bad guy Sean Connery publicly
disowned the ham-fisted result.
Sample review: "This adaptation of the cult 1960s TV series is a leaden,
witless fiasco lacking thrills, surprise or excitement." (The Daily
Telegraph)
After his career-resurrecting turns in Pulp Fiction and Get Shorty, John
Travolta pressed the self-destruct button with this sci-fi adventure, based
on a book by Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard yet directed, bizarrely, by
one Roger Christian. The bloated disaster which ensued battled to recoup one
tenth of its reported $73m budget, but its star was unrepentant, even
claiming at one point a sequel was in the works.
Sample review: "A million monkeys with a million crayons would be
hard-pressed in a million years to create anything as cretinous." (The
Washington Post)
The knives were out for Britney Spears' acting debut from the get-go, but
even she must have been shocked by the savaging her gentle all-girl road
movie received at the hands of the critics. That said, the pop tart did
herself few favours by turning up late to the London premiere and refusing
to spend any time with her fans. And was it just a coincidence that the
film's release occurred just as she split up with Justin Trousersnake?
Sample review: "So mind-numbingly awful that you hope Britney won't do it
one more time, as far as movies are concerned." (The New York Post)
The rubbish bins of Hollywood are filled to the brim with misguided vanity
projects starring real-life showbiz couples. But Ben Affleck and Jennifer
Lopez's ghastly mob romp deserves special pride of place for its awful
dialogue, terrible performances and tasteless plot (a mafia goon teams up
with a lesbian assassin to kidnap a mentally challenged youngster). So dire
the producer and director came to blows at an early test screening.
Sample review: "Martin Brest's spectacularly ill-conceived 'comedy' could
hardly be more of a turkey if it had feathers and a beak." (BBC News Online)
All that glitters isn't gold judging by Mariah Carey's first screen role, a
rags-to-riches tale that proved such a turn-off with audiences Virgin
Records promptly shredded her multi-million dollar contract. The trouble
actually started before the movie's release, which had to be delayed by
three weeks when its temperamental starlet had a nervous breakdown.
Unsurprisingly Wise Girls, Mariah's follow-up film, went straight to video.
Sample review: "Helplessly cliched, predictable and unaware of its own
lameness, it could easily become a camp classic." (The New York Post)