egoboost siren dating Virgin Media

The essential guide to improving your dating confidence and overcoming shyness.

Single? Start searching now upload your own profile and photos for free!

Why is it that when you find that illusive chemical attraction, you can't enjoy the fireworks because you're afraid of getting burnt? Maybe you're worried that your dream date won't like the 'real you'?

Well, it’s time to dispel any dating doubts because it's time for an ego boost. Here are some top tips to help improve your self-confidence and increase your dating success.

History
Many people subconsciously adopt negative views of themselves based on what other people (including previous partners) have said. For example, if someone's ex constantly said that they were hopeless at DIY, an awful driver and a little on the cuddly side, it wouldn’t be unusual for these attributes to have become integrated into the listener's self-perception. This would be because it is hard to ignore statements which are constantly being reinforced, i.e. by the previous relationship. The result is a distorted self-image based on the past.

Learning to let go
If you've suffered the effects of such negative reinforcement, you need to improve your confidence by monitoring the way you think and finding out when your internal dialogue puts you down. Whenever this happens, take a moment to change the faulty thought patterns into positive statements which affirm your sense of self-worth. Don’t let one person's opinion of you define who you are. Indeed, people who heavily criticise others are often the ones who are the most insecure.

Looking for love? Join now, with over 3 million singles, the love of your life could be waiting...

Glass half-full
Once you've recognised your negative thought patterns and started to adjust the way you think, you’re halfway there. The next step involves working on your thought processes as a whole to change the way you perceive new situations. So, if you go on a date which doesn’t lead to a relationship, try to see the positives as opposed to dwelling on the negatives. See the example below:
Situation: Dinner date which didn’t lead to love.
Negative thought processes: Why didn't he/she like me? What's wrong with me? I bet it was because I ate a lot, my ex always said I was like a pig at the table. I can’t believe I spilt the red wine; I looked like such a fool; I'm so clumsy.
Replacement positive thought processes: It's a shame the date didn’t work out, but we weren’t really compatible. At least I’ve made a new friend though, and been to that fancy new restaurant - the food was divine. I can’t believe I spilt the red wine though, at least now I know that dabbing white wine onto it gets the red out – very useful piece of information for future incidents!

Looking for that special person? Get searching now and start meeting thousands of single people in your area.

Assess your social situation
As already explained, one of the main reasons for lack of confidence is the adoption of negative opinions of yourself, which are projected onto you by the significant people in your past. However, the people who you surround yourself with at the current time will also influence your opinion of yourself. That's why it's essential to make sure that you have a supportive and loving group of friends. Take time to reflect on your social group to see if there’s anyone who puts you down, is unsupportive, or reinforces your negative beliefs. It may take time to realise that you would be better off without some of your friends. For example, if your friends constantly joke that you'll never find anyone who would put up with you, it could well be time to ditch those mates!

Take a look in the mirror
This advice isn’t for everyone - but you might like to try it before you dismiss it. To reinforce the positive thoughts which you are using to replace your negative cognitions, a good tip is to stand in front of a mirror and physically tell yourself why you are worth dating, why you are a good person, what your best qualities are, what your main achievements are, and so on. Pay yourself a compliment; go on, you won’t be able to help but smile!

Ready for love? Log on now – your soul mate could be just a click away...

Be ambitious
Another good way of staying optimistic is to set yourself goals. List your dreams and ambitions in a journal and log your achievements, so you can look over them at your own pace. This is a great way to increase your confidence. If there's anything you would like to change about yourself, you can set it as one of your ambitions. This can be used in conjunction with your evolving cognitions. For example, if your ex said you were useless at gardening, you could set yourself gardening goals to achieve. These could be anything from researching plant species online, to taking a gardening course and designing your own water-feature

Realistic optimism
Confidence is a complex issue, and changing the way you view yourself and your datability takes time. Therefore it's important to stay realistic, and remember that whatever your level of confidence may be, not every date will lead to romance, but as long as you remain optimistic and don't base your life on other people's opinions of you, the sky's the limit, not only in terms of dating, but in every aspect of your life.

Start searching now and meet singles in your town for fun, love or romance...