Frank Lampard's favourite meal
Fabio Capello: His immediate aim will be to speak English at least as well as his players, the likes of David Beckham, John Terry and Jermaine Defoe… Actually, his immediate aim will be to speak English better than his players.
Sven Goran Eriksson: The City boss will want to keep up his impressive home record – Nancy, Faria, Ulrikka…
Frank Lampard: Following the success of his own video site – Utub – the Chelsea midfielder really wants Gordon Ramsay to cook him his favourite meal, which is seconds.
Rafa Benitez: The bearded Spaniard has already had one wish come true this year when Jose Mourinho was axed, although Rafa would have much preferred the traditional beheading. What Rafa really wants to hear is someone with an American accent saying, “how much do you need?”
Ashley Cole: What could a man on £100,000 a week and married to Cheryl Tweedy possibly want? Maybe £110,000 a week and a divorce would be a good starting point.
Joe Calzaghe: The Italian Dragon would dearly love to line up that lucrative career defining fight against Ber-nard ‘The Executioner’ Hopkins, who recently claimed he would never lose to a white man. This prompted Gary Kasparov to immediately challenge him to game of chess.
Lewis Hamilton: The new kid on the block (podium) doesn’t necessarily want the fastest car just as long as it’s faster than the one Fernando Alonso is driving. He’ll also need a chauffeur when in France.
Brain Ashton: The much maligned national coach would dearly love a squad without Mike Catt or Lawrence Dallaglio, the players who were quick to take all the credit for England’s surprising resurgence during the World Cup. Failing that a nice up of cocoa will do.
David Beckham: Another world tour for his wife so he can dedicate more time to lounging about the home oiled up in tight fitting undies.
Andy Murray: Top of the wish list is a new coach and a decent haircut. Failing that he’d probably settle for a new coach with a decent haircut.
Paula Radcliffe: To lose those annoying knee length socks and swap them for something more appropriate, like incontinence pants.
Christine Ogurugugugugu: A dual purpose digital clock. One to help with her training and more importantly to get her to attend her drug tests on time.
Teddy Sheringham: With his recent hands on experience with the under-21s Teddy would be the logical choice to assist Stuart Pearce.
Roger Federer: The tournament the Fed Express really craves is the only one missing from his extensive collection – the French. To win at Roland Garros the big bugled Swiss star will probably have to beat the balloon-biceped Spaniard Rafa Nadal.
21 December 2007
