TV clash: Should you desert Shipwrecked?
Spot the odd one out: Shipwrecked goes emo
As Shipwrecked returns for its 11th series (11th!), two self-confessed telly addicts join the great debate: is it utterly brilliant, or unbelievably rubbish?
His clothing also doubles as a fishing net
Arguing for – Stuart Heritage
Admit it, if someone put a gun to your head and ordered you to appear on a reality show, you’d pick Shipwrecked. Not Big Brother, where you’d be trapped in a box alongside several compulsive unhygienists with borderline personality disorder. Not I’m A Celebrity, where you’d be forced to eat animal bum next to whichever one of Hale & Pace needed the money most. You’d pick Shipwrecked. .
The premise of Shipwrecked is perfect. You’re sent to a tropical island - the kind of lush tropical island that you could only ever dream about visiting, and you’re tasked with fending for yourself like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Plus there are other people there, too, so the chances of you falling madly in love with a scabby volleyball are significantly reduced. I don’t know about you, but I’d love to go on Shipwrecked. .
However, if this breathlessly vicarious wish-fulfillment isn’t enough to convince you to watch the show, then you can also treat it as a talent-spotting device. For example, Shipwrecked is the show that first brought Jeff Brazier to the public eye. So who knows, maybe this year’s series will throw up a personality so charismatic that they’ll also go on to haplessly try to interview local mayors in front of a screaming crowd via satellite link-up on the X Factor final night.
No? Still not interested in watching Shipwrecked? Then I’ll bring out the big guns. There’s a goth in this year’s series. A GOTH. A proper skinny-jeaned, pale-faced, miserable-looking goth in a massive coat. On a tropical island. Catching fish. Probably with a spear. He’s called Jamie. It’s going to be AMAZING. Only an idiot could disagree with me.
Arguing against – Robyn Wilder
What’s the worst thing about Shipwrecked? Is it that it pollutes the purest, most tranquil patches of paradise with a toxic spillage of the very worst people in the world? The sort of people who say “amazing” too much? The sort of people who wear knitted hats to the beach?
Or is it that, despite the fact that Greg Jones won the last series of Shipwrecked by being pleasant and easygoing, this year’s contestants still haven’t learned that the key to winning might be a) developing basic survival skills, and b) not being an unbearable egotist?
Because they haven’t. This year’s castaways are, as they are every year, steely-eyed with self interest and competitively, aggressively obnoxious. One of them wants to get rid of the “gender binary” on the island. One likes seeing “lots of birds” and appreciates “a strong hairline”. One considers himself intellectually superior to everyone, one’s a goth, and one has his own name tattooed on him.
However, goth or tattoo boy are my tips to win because they’re the only ones who don’t come across as preening ninnies shrieking about their alpha dog status and how they’re not going to take any prisoners. .
And yet these aren’t the very worst things about Shipwrecked. The very worst thing is that whoever wins the series will become a celebrity by default, which means that we’ll have to suffer it all again. The in-fighting, the pooing in a hole, the architecturally unsound shelter construction. We’ll have to go through this all again when the triumphant castaway inevitably resurfaces - complete with highlights, botox and representation - in next year’s I’m A Celebrity. Ugh.
Whose side are you on? Is Shipwrecked still cruising, or is it dead in the water? Let us know by heading over to our Facebook page or Twitter feed (@TVOnVM) to let us know!
You can catch Shipwrecked every Tuesday at 8pm on E4.
