Last of the Summer Wine
Cast: Paul Giamatti, Thomas Haden Church, Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon
The Pitch: A spiritual (or literal, depending on studio in-fighting) sequel to both Alexander Payne’s Sideways and Michael Winterbottom’s The Trip, this years-down-the-line road trip movie would find cinema’s favourite wine connoisseurs/snobs taking to the road on a final, bombastic vino tour around the world’s quaff-iest establishments after discovering they all suffer from a terminal grape allergy.
Father Ted vs. The Vicar of Dibley
Cast: Nick Offerman, Melissa McCarthy
The Pitch: Hey, if it worked for Batman and Superman we guarantee a Versus style sitcom Battle Royal will do wonders for generating media buzz around the resurgence of two of the greatest Biblical comedies ever made. Cast two stone-cold comedy geniuses (Park & Recreation’s Offerman and Spy’s McCarthy) for a showdown sparked by an ‘ecumenical clerical matter’ that forces them to co-habit the parochial house of Ireland’s windswept Craggy Island. Part Home Alone, part Bruce Almighty and 100% LOL, this would be a comedy battle for the ages.
Cast: Samuel L. Jackson, Christoph Waltz, Tim Roth, Jennifer Lawrence
The Pitch: Quentin Tarantino has been talking about doing an Inglourious Basterds prequel. And we all know how much he enjoys subverting expectations. So how about the Beeb gives him the keys to the ‘Allo ‘Allo castle, and he spins the story of a besieged German-occupied small town French cafe and the conspiratorial shenanigans that occur right below the Nazis’ noses. Starring his usual list of suspects, along with J-Law (who narrowly missed out on the role in The Hateful Eight) as leader of the local French Resistance, Michelle (AKA ‘The One With The Big ‘Ooter).
Mrs Brown’s Boys
Cast: Judi Dench, Eddie Redmayne, Brendan O’Carroll
The Pitch: Bear with us for a minute. Sure, Mrs Brown’s Boys is still on the air, and sure, 2014 saw the release of a movie that, while reviled by critics, was adored by fans. But we’ve come up with a way to please both. Re-imagine MBB as an awards-bothering Philomena-esque drama, full of tortured human angst and a powerful matriarch at the helm. Judi Dench would star as the titular Brown, searching for her long-lost children. Cast O’Carroll as a cameo supporting role, and everyone’s a winner.
One Foot in the Grave
Cast: Ryan Reynolds
The Pitch: Reynolds bring his experience of on-screen gallows humour (Deadpool) and coffin-napping (Buried) to the fore with a dark comedy action adventure in which a terminally ill hitman uses his own gravestone to bump off his enemies on a final mission of assassin vengeance.
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