Dystopian Movie | Virgin Media
Who should be on your "Dystopian Movie" star squad?

Who should be on your "Dystopian Movie" star squad?

21/03/2016Movies

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We’ve seen the future, and it doesn’t look good. From The Hunger Games to The Terminator, whether it’s the rapid advances in angry artificial intelligence, apocalyptic climate change or World War 3, we’re busily sewing the seeds of our own destruction. Goddam us. Goddam us all to hell.  But before it all goes to pot To celebrate the release of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 on Virgin Movies, we’ve assembled an A-team of survivalists to help lead mankind into battle, ala Katniss’s Star Squad.  Let’s boot and rally!

So what should you expect the future to look like

The future is not bright.  It’s very misty

The future is not bright. It’s very misty

Well, you can bank on a strong-armed government to take charge, with our new evil overlords taking a stranglehold around the population’s throats. You can expect brutal social order and killer robot repression. You’ll be watching vicious gladiatorial games on the TV. You can expect humanity pushed to very the limits to existence, desperately begging around the edges of civilization. It’s a bit like X-Factor but without the adverts and better ratings. 

The Face Of The Revolution

She’s also a whizz at darts

She’s also a whizz at darts

First name on the team sheet would have to be the Mockingjay herself: Katniss Everdeen, the queen of The Hunger Games, the diva of District 1X, the titan of troublemaking tributes. She’s our go-to girl whether it’s out-aiming 23 other combatants of the Capital’s annual deathgames with her bow-and-arrow or being the reluctant poster girl of the Pamem uprising. And let’s be honest, you’re not going to be hiring Peeta ‘I can dress up as moss’ Mellark, are you?

The Leader

But every revolution needs a leader and filling those boots is Sarah Connor. We’d have initially opted for her son, John, but after Terminator Genisys, we’ve had to revise that opinion pretty dramatically so we’ll go for Hollywood’s most badass Momma instead. She’s got the training, a will of steel and a pet Terminator to boot: come with her if you want to live.

We can work with that too

We can work with that too

The Ideas Guy

Cue existential breakdown

If Katniss is the heart and Sarah Connor is the head, then our dystopian dream team will need a brain too, and the thinking cap will be donned by The Matrix's Morpheus. While his buddy Neo might be a super-Jesus in computerland, Morpheus is handy in the real world too, with the gap-toothed philosopher providing the counsel, guidance and general mystical gob-bobbins that ultimately leads Zion to both Neo and its safety. Red pills are on him.

The Foot Soldier

“See these tattoos of three ravens? That’s one for each One Direction concert I’ve been to”

The battle will require feet on the street, and up the buildings, and soaring overhead too. To that effect, we’ll be getting the Divergent movies’ Tris to take the heat directly to the big bads: capable of doing it all, she bestrides the five Faction classes like an Amazonian: the Lionel Messi of the angsty teen-led battle against the system, but taller.

The Celebrity Endorsement

“Look at my fancy yellow jumpsuit and weep, Fascist Nastypants”

Our revolution will need to be televised, so we’ll need some celebs to help inspire our cause. The top face in the dystopian sports world is The Running Man’s latest star Ben Richards: sent into the gladiatorial arena with the government heavily invested in his failure; he’s very much victorious come the end credits, striking a blow against the authorities. Revolution: 1; Fascist Nastypants: 0.

The Dependable Expendable

Not everyone can be a squad superstar though. Every army needs someone to be a second-in-command, someone to help support from the sidelines, someone… very, very expendable. The model-beautiful people of The Maze Runner have Chuck, who not only makes the headliners look even better but is also naturally willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the team when they find themselves in mortal peril. Chad will be missed. Sorry, Chuck. Chuck will be missed. 

You know Chuck. CHUCK!

Transportation

The Fast and the Furiosa

Every revolution needs transport and there’s only one hand we want on our gear stick, and that’s the mechanical leftie of Imperator Furiosa, Mad Max: Fury Road’s mistress of the motorway. The true star of the film, she makes Mr Rockinsky look like a mute toddler on a trike.

The Element Of Surprise

Mad-Eye Moody wasn’t available

Of course, what most fascist future governments fear is something they can’t control – chaos – and in our world, chaos comes wearing an eyepatch. Escape From New York’s Snake Plissken might not be able to see in 3D but when it comes to government BS, he’s got 20/20 vision. Let him off the leash and see whom he bites.

Waste Disposal

But there’s one final important role that needs to be filled. Once we’ve mopped up the bad guys, someone’s got to clean up those apocalyptic streets, quite literally. And that’s Wall-E's job – tidying the rubbish left on Earth after man’s mishandling of the planet. He’ll have the remnants of the old guard compacted into immaculate small squares in no time.

AND HE’S SO CUTE!

With a team like this, you can survive any dystopia that looms on mankind’s horizons: badass, good-looking, neat. Vive la revolution!

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