Where's it happening?
At the Ericsson Globe in Stockholm, Sweden, because Måns Zelmerlöw's Heroes was the winner in Vienna, Austria last year, doing it for the country that produced Eurovision's greatest victors, ABBA.
Who will be reading the autocue?
Måns himself will be presenting the extravaganza alongside Swedish TV host Petra Mede. Petra is also a comedian so expect some forced laughs.
And who will be providing the witty Woganesque voiceover?
In the year we said goodbye to El Tel, it'll be Graham Norton once more making sly quips about the contestants and dreaming wistfully about the bottle of Baileys under his desk.
So, who carries the hopes and dreams of the nation?
Joe Woolford and Jake Shakeshaft are the lads who triumphed in Eurovision: You Decide, and will perform their song You're Not Alone in Stockholm on Saturday night. Joe and Jake met on The Voice, where they were mentored by Rita Ora, and decided to make a go of it together after they failed to win.
What are their chances? Pretty slim, if we take into account the United Kingdom's dismal showing this century – but how about you decide? Here's the song below (we think it's fairly decent for this sort of thing).
Who is in with a chance of winning then?
The bookies tend to know their stuff. Either that or we all forget what they said afterwards. Anyway these are the top 10 odds (Joe and Jake are out of the frame at 80/1):
You'll be wanting to hear the Russian entry then. Here's Sergey Lazarev singing You Are The Only One.
What else can we expect?
There's always something utterly inexplicable going on at Eurovision, whether it's Finnish zombies only going and winning the thing:
Or Russia encouraging their grandmothers to enter:
Or the world being introduced to Riverdance, in this admittedly spectacular performance from Dublin in 1994:
The question is, what's going to be the craziest thing on show in Stockholm? Our money is on Pointless's Richard Osman. He'll be the guy announcing the results from the UK voters. Nul points isusually a good thing as far as he's concerned.
Finally, some interesting stats!
The countries who've won the most times:
And the countries who've received the dreaded nul points the most times:
But the United Kingdom have only bagged nul points once! That was Jemini with Cry Baby in 2003. Good luck, Joe and Jake! Don't be a Jemini.
Recommended for you