Plant a flag on the sofa (not literally), because there’s an awesome array of must-watch telly coming up over the week. Have a gander at this lot.
In The Club
Tuesday 3rd May at 9pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: It’s the second series of the acclaimed drama about a group of women dealing with childbirth, love and lust.
Wouldn’t it be better if it was called In Da Club?: No, because it’s not set in a nightclub, nor is 50 Cent in it.
Who’s in it: Only some of the best female actors on the telly, including Hermione Norris, Katherine Parkinson and Jill Halfpenny.
What to say: “It’s a rich, emotional drama about womanhood, parenthood and all the stuff that matters.”
What not to say: “It’d be better if it was called In Da Club and had 50 Cent in it.”
Tuesday 3rd May at 11pm on Comedy Central (CH 132)
Why you should watch: It’s the latest season of what is officially the coolest, most buzzed-about comedy on TV right now.
What’s it all about?: Two slacker girls having surreal, sexy, crude, rude, drug-addled misadventures around New York City.
Watch this if you like: Arrested Development, Girls, Portlandia. Although if you don’t like those, watch this anyway because it’s very much its own thing.
Look out for: Hillary Clinton, who makes the unlikeliest comedy cameo later in the run.
Moment to make you feel old alert: The now-grown-up little girl from Mrs Doubtfire turns up this season, and it’ll make you weep for your lost childhood.
Never Seen A Doctor
Wednesday 4th May at 10pm on Channel 4 (CH 104)
Why you should watch: It’ll remind you to go see your GP about that giant lilac growth currently erupting from your right buttock.
Who’s in it: The ever-charming Katie Piper, who meets people too terrified to visit the doctor despite their very real ailments.
Potential gross-out rating: 8/10. It features a couple with teeth so rotten they can only ever eat soft foods.
Watch this when: You want to be reminded of the fact we’re all just waddling bags of vulnerable flesh.
What not to do straight after: Google all your minor aches and pains in a frenzy of hypochondria.
Thursday 5th May at 9pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Series three of the most acclaimed gangster drama of recent years is finally here, and everyone’s going to be talking about it.
What we’re gagging to know: Who is mob lord Tommy getting married to? The big reveal comes in episode one.
Look out for: Paddy Considine, who joins the cast this season. Like they needed yet more top-notch acting talent.
Will there be any more beardy Tom Hardy: Yes.
Opportunity for smugness: If you successfully guess the identity of Tommy’s bride.
Alien Sharks 2: Return to the Abyss
Thursday 5th May at 10pm on Animal Planet (CH 102)
Why you should watch: It’s called Alien Sharks 2: Return to the Abyss. Of course you should watch it.
What it’s really about: Bizarre deep-sea sharks, some of which glow in the dark.
Is this a joke?: Nope. It’s really about weird, grotesque sharks which lurk in the depths of the ocean. And glow in the dark.
What to say: “It’s humans, not sharks, who are the real deadly predators of the high seas.”
What not to say: “I could just murder a bowl of shark fin soup right about now.”
Friday 6th May at 8.30pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: Because getting excited about whether panna cottas have set properly has become our new national pastime.
Why you should DEFINITELY watch: It’s the grand final, so Gregg Wallace will probably be in his best suit and he’ll be sad if you’re not there to notice.
Watch this when: On the sofa eating dinner off your lap.
What to say: “The seahorse velouté looks too thin, but the deconstructed cauliflower cheesecake looks delectable.”
What not to say: “You know, I really do think it’s time to spend £359 on a sous vide machine.”
Friday 6th May at 10pm on Channel 4 (CH 104)
Why you should watch: Comedy royalty playing actual royalty in a stonkingly disrespectful satirical soap? One is very amused.
Who’s in it: Harry Enfield is putting on his best constipated face as Prince Charles, while Haydn Gwynne is a scheming Camilla.
Scene stealer alert: Morgana Robinson, who stole the show from Vic and Bob in House of Fools, is likely to be brilliant here as well. She’s playing Pippa.
Watch this if you liked: The celebrity-skewering Star Stories. It’s from the same people.
Maybe don’t watch it if: You got teary-eyed on Her Maj’s 90th birthday, and have more than one teapot with her face on it.
Parks and Recreation
Sunday 8th May at 11pm on Dave (CH 128)
Why you should watch: It’s the first episode of season six of Parks and Recreation and if you’re not excited about that we can’t help you.
Exciting location change: The episode is set in London!
Best Ron Swanson quote: “Enjoy the fact that your Royal overlords are a frail old woman and a tiny baby.”
Best Americans in England quote: “Hogwarts is fictional. Do you know that? It’s important to me that you know that.”
Look out for: The reliably chortlesome Peter Serafinowicz turns up as “His Royal Excellence Lord Edgar Darby Covington”.
British Academy Television Awards
Sunday 8th May at 8pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: It’s always fun to watch nominees keep their smiles on for the cameras when they don’t win things.
Who’s up for gongs?: Idris Elba, Suranne Jones, Sheridan Smith, Mary Rylance, Ben Whishaw… we could go on.
The best guilty pleasure show in the running: First Dates.
Look out for: Sir Lenny Henry getting a Special Award for specialness.
Watch this when: You’re in the mood to party but also want to stay on the sofa in your PJs.
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