Yes, the sun has finally decided to make an appearance, but with this bunch of shows coming up you'll want to make quality time on the sofa. Just pretend it's winter again or something…
Monday 9th May at 10pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Ben Elton's starry new sitcom about William Shakespeare is being tipped as – whisper it – the new Blackadder.
Who's in it: David Mitchell IS the Bard, balancing his writing with his home life. Plus Liza Tarbuck as his missus, and Harry Enfield as his dad.
Chances of it really being the new Blackadder: Medium to high. Ben Elton will have pulled out all the stops. Also, David Mitchell makes things good.
What to say: "Did you know the title refers to an actual insult lobbed at Shakespeare by one of his jealous rivals?"
To be or not to be?: That's going to depend entirely on the viewing figures.
Invictus Games 2016
Monday 9th May at 7.30pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: It's a sporting extravaganza featuring wounded veterans showing off near-superhuman skills.
Why non-sports fans should watch: This episode focuses on the opening ceremony, with musical numbers by James Blunt and Gareth Malone's choir.
Look out for: A special appearance by Prince Harry, the head honcho of the Invictus Games.
What to say: "Invictus is Latin for unconquered, don't you know."
What not to say: "Gareth Malone is a sort of Tintin-like boy-man, isn't he?"
Geordie Shore: Big Birthday Battle
Tuesday 10th May at 10pm on MTV (CH 183)
Why you should watch: Geordie Shore is five years old, and to celebrate they’re reuniting almost everyone and encouraging all-out war. Whoop.
Will there be sexy time?: Barry White himself would be proud, as Gaz and Charlotte get “back in the shag pad”.
Guilty pleasure rating: Let’s be honest, this is the TV equivalent of eating a bucket of cakes.
Watch this when: You fancy some proper mint viewing.
What to do afterwards: Binge-watch all previous series On Demand. It’s the next best thing to gan doon toon, like.
A League of Their Own US Road Trip
Tuesday 10th May at 9pm on Sky1 (CH 110)
Why you should watch: It's a madcap American odyssey which sees Redknapp, Whitehall and Flintoff doing silly and dangerous things for our amusement.
What's at stake: The person who does the least well in a series of crazy challenges will have to strip on stage with the Chippendales.
Best shark-infested moment: They'll be swimming the sharky waters around Alcatraz.
Watch this when: You want to feel like you're on the most epic, outrageous stag do of all time.
Secret star: Never mind the motor-mouthed Corden or Whitehall. It's Jamie Redknapp's deadpan quips that we love the most.
Penguin A&E With Lorraine Kelly
Tuesday 10th May at 9pm on Channel 5 (CH 105)
Why you should watch: It's literally about a hospital that specialises in saving penguins. What could be better than this?
Are penguins adorable?: Yes.
Are penguins actually the best things ever?: Yes.
Look out for: Wonderful waddling penguins.
Reasons why Lorraine Kelly is in this: She's genetically 67% penguin. We were surprised too.
Cunk on Shakespeare
Wednesday 11th May at 10pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Philomena Cunk is one of the greatest comedy creations of our time, and this is a whole HALF HOUR of her being brilliantly clueless.
Philomena who?: Played by Diane Morgan, Ms Cunk is a witless, wide-eyed documentary presenter from Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe.
Come again?: Think of her as an Ali G-like satirical version of people like Brian Cox and Mary Beard. Only much, much better than that sounds.
Best embarrassed celebrity of the week: Renowned actor Simon Russell Beale, who'll be asked absurd questions by thick Philomena.
Watch this when: You want to snort, chortle and generally guffaw.
Thursday 12th May at 9pm on Universal Channel (CH 137)
Why you should watch: It's a big US drama with a really clever concept: old disgraced sheriff is given a new, young body and a chance at redemption.
Why EastEnders fans will be excited: The star of the show is Robert Kazinsky, the big handsome lad who played Sean Slater.
Secret inspiration of the week: You might not realise it to start with, but this is apparently a modern take on Frankenstein.
What to say: "Second Chance is a bold, experimental new spin on a well-worn classic of science fiction."
What not to say: "You could say this is a 'second chance' for Kazinsky's acting career, eh? Eh?"
Friday 13th May at 10pm on Sky1 (CH 102)
Why you should watch: It’s the big finale of this rivetingly complex crime thriller about a group of childhood friends untangling secrets and lies.
What we’re dying to discover: The final, full revelation of what really became of Jesse, whose disappearance kickstarted the series.
Impressive pedigree alert: The Five is the brainchild of Harlan Coben, one of the biggest crime writers on the planet.
What to say: “A crime drama with more twists and turns than Hampton Court Maze.”
What not to say: “Blimey, it’s not exactly Midsomer Murders is it?”
Friday 13th May at 10pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: It's a brave new sitcom about the least sitcommy of subjects: a woman re-adjusting to life after the death of her husband.
Who's in it: The vastly underrated Lesley Manville, who's a dab hand at poignant comedy stuff thanks to her work in Mike Leigh films.
Why it'll probably be great: It's from the ingenious people who gave us another utterly unique sitcom, Him & Her.
Watch this when: You fancy a cosily British alternative to all those hip US comedies you watch the rest of the time.
What to say: "Think of it as a modern successor to the classic 70s sitcom Butterflies."
Eurovision Song Contest 2016
Saturday 14th May at 8pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: Because it's Eurovision! Not watching is not an option.
Chances of the UK winning: Let's not even get into this, OK?
Who’s singing for us anyway?: Joe and Jake. Do keep up.
Best watched with: Friends, crisps, dips and cake. Lots of cake.
Best clichés to reiterate: "The scoring is the best bit"/"The scoring's all political anyway"/"Why is Australia even in this?!"
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