Superhero World Cup: Semi-finals | Virgin Media
Superhero World Cup: Semi-finals

Superhero World Cup: Semi-finals

09/06/2016Movies

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The competition is almost over. You didn't win the office sweepstake (oh come on, 'Aquaman', seriously?). The Superhero World Cup is winding down. There are just four heroes left standing: two guys, one girl and an alien from outer space. Who has got what it takes to go the distance? With no third-place play-off, it's all to play for as we move into the semis...

Wolverine vs Batman

It's a billion dollar brawl! The sideburned psycho versus the cowl-wearing crimefighter! It's X-Men outcast versus Gotham's vigilante – the match-up the organisers really wanted to see – it's Real Madrid vs Barcelona in box-office terms.

Despite high pressure from comic-book fans afraid the match couldn't possibly live up to expectations, it's truly a fight to remember: blows are exchanged and blood is shed (although never seen, ensuring the DVD of the tournament can still secure a 12 rating) and it all gets very serious and miserable. It's the scrap of the tournament so far. Such anger! Such seething rage! So many crotch punches!

The two warriors slog into the small hours. Suddenly, a breakthrough. Momentarily, Batman pauses as he finally gets one of Deadpool's jokes from the Quarter Finals, and that's all she wrote: Wolverine pounces on his moment and it's snikt snikt: good night Dark Knight. Batman mutters his last words: “Remember me... as Christian Bale... ” he croaks.

Winner: Wolverine

Black Widow vs Superman

The surprise package of the tournament, Black Widow is feeling confident going into her fight with the original grandaddy of the superhero movie. After all, she leaves Hulk, Jessica Jones and some bloke called Cyborg in her wake. Natasha is the fan favourite. Surely, surely she's going to get an action figure play set out of all this.

The Widow is in fine fettle on fight day, but there's no need for bravado: Superman seems distracted. With the rest of the Justice League dead, the only movie on his slate now is a Man Of Steel sequel. “And nobody wants to see that,” says the dejected demigod. The Widow gives him a comforting hug. “I know,” she whispers. “I know.”

Confusion reigns. This is the Superhero World Cup, not the World's Finest Hugging Contest. After a brief discussion, the baffled judges flick through the rulebook and disqualify Superman for un-hero-like conduct: crying in the face of adversity. Romanoff marches on! It's a Wolverine versus Black Widow final!

Winner: Black Widow

Who will reign supreme as the most super of all superheroes?  Find out tomorrow in the thrilling final of the Superhero World Cup!