Outstanding goal of the week
Until now renowned only for a) his bulging guns and b) being that bloke from TOWIE, Mark Wright stunned the nation by literally becoming our greatest ever footballer during Soccer Aid. Sign the man up for Euro 2016.
Embarrassing red card of the week
Soccer Aid 2016 also saw the very first red card ever given in the history of the charity event. Well done, TV presenter Ben Shephard. Well done.
Chris Packham smells a snake
This week on Springwatch: Chris Packham smelt a snake and looked like he was literally aroused.
Britain’s got frying pans
Tuning into Tonight At The London Palladium, we expected the usual inoffensive medley of happy tunes, shadow theatre and mild comedy. What we also got was two naked men doing this with frying pans. Thanks, London Palladium. Thanks a lot.
This Morning loses it completely
So Holly and Phillip went ahead and had a complete giggle meltdown on This Morning, and it felt like the whole world temporarily came to a standstill...
Strutting prat alert
Maybe we’re getting jaded, but Big Brother launch night was disappointingly low on cringe moments. Except when one of the housemates – Jackson – made his entrance dressed like this, and didn’t seem to realise he had turned himself into the single most punchable human on Earth.
Best rage of the week
Big Brother is all about fury and sex, let’s face it. And we got some lovely fury this week when Ryan, one of the secret “Other” housemates, saw one of the official housemates describe him as “very camp and screamy”. At which point he spectacularly proved the guy right…
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