Ross Kemp on self-service checkouts
Ross pitches up at a suburban branch of Tesco Metro and asks the camera earnestly as he strolls through the vegetable aisle: “Will we look back on self-service checkouts as the point when the machines took over? Has automation gone too far?” Later he expertly probes a shopper, taking the man to task for waiting until he’s paid before beginning to pack the items into a bag rather than doing it as he goes, thereby doubling the time spent at the checkout as tempers flare behind him.
Ross Kemp on emojis
“Can emojis satisfactorily convey the full range of human emotion?” asks Ross, spending a week with four teenagers who communicate entirely by text without use of the English language. He then travels to the jungles of Borneo to meet a tribe as-yet untouched by human civilisation, who it turns out instinctively understand emojis when drawn in the dirt with a stick. They make Ross their leader.
Ross Kemp on England’s Euro 2016 exit
Ross interviews Roy Hodgson, who seems put out that he has to put up with it when all he wants to do is retire in peace and do his garden. Hodgson describes at length the challenges of allowing strikers the ability to roam when the holding midfielder’s role has become more attacking in recent years. Ross is more interested in whether any situations ever “turned ugly”.
Ross Kemp on biscuits
In an attempt to answer the age-old question “Are Jaffa Cakes biscuits or cakes?” Ross travels to Seville, where they grow the oranges used for the marmalade-like substance within. No one there has a clue what he’s on about, but he has a decent paella while he’s there so he’s happy enough.
Ross Kemp on online arguments
Ross mediates between two men who have got into a spat about whose amendment to the Lindsay Lohan Wikipedia page is the correct one. Ross gets them in a room to work it all out, and tries to goad them into a fight so he can break it up, all in the name of good TV, but they both just look a bit embarrassed.
Ross Kemp on Cocktails
In a crowded West End cocktail bar, Ross gets increasingly irate as a simple drinks order takes 10 minutes to serve up because the barman insists on juggling everything while he mixes it because some women are watching. His pieces to camera take ages to film because it’s noisy and people keep bumping into him while dancing despite there being no area clearly demarcated as a dancefloor.
Ross Kemp on Hiddleswift
Following the recent series of images online suggesting that Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift are an item, Ross attempts to get to the bottom of it. Given short shrift by Swift’s press team, he resorts to just Googling it for 40 minutes, succeeding only in uncovering several pages of baseless theorising and speculation, before weeping to camera at what he’s become.
Ross Kemp on Eastenders
This is just an episode of Eastenders with Ross Kemp in it.
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