Sun, sand, sex, sassiness, scraps…. Ex On The Beach has it all. Between all the rage and romps, MTV’s titillating trash show is the hottest mess on TV and, lucky for us, it is returned for a new series on Tuesday 17th January at 10pm.
Lewis Good, arguably the angriest contestant ever, wasted no time. Kicking off after a record breaking 13 minutes into his first episode, the former Judge Geordie (yep, that’s a thing) showed that being angry while butt-naked is quite a thing to behold. He had rows with, well, everyone, and by the fourth episode he was throwing the furniture around and had to be restrained, screaming, by two, yep TWO, über-burly bodyguards.
We’ve all been there. After a few too many cocktails, perching upon that high stool just doesn’t seem like such a smart idea. And just a few drinks into series four, blue-haired Helen missed said-stool and stumbled backwards right onto her backside. Much to the howling of her fellow exers – who merely looked, laughed and left her there. Brilliant.
The tablet of terror has ne’er rang so true. When Jordan and Megan made their explosive arrival on the beach, Megan immediately went on the attack, and Jordan’s poor ex Lacey didn’t stand a chance. “Every girl I’ve ever slept with, Megan hates” James claims. Indeed. The girls threw drinks over each other and criticised each other’s boobs before Scotty T was forced to break it up.
Ever the gent, reality TV legend Scotty’s general philosoph-T-ies on life and love were something to behold. With sound values such as “don’t worry, kid, I’m not gonna chin ya ‘til I’ve heard what you say” and “all I want is to get my end away without the aggro”, the Geordie charmer managed to “buck” half the female cast. If one got too clingy, he moved on to the next. Dodging drama at every turn, how we laughed when he actually climbed over a wall to evade Nancy, who merely clambered after him in a full-length, multi-coloured kaftan, before announcing sadly “he’s gone...” Gold.
It’s fair to say, Laura’s party trick was a bit of a choker. And like all proud, talented individuals, Laura liked to show off her skills at every opportunity during series three, much to the delight of Jayden “The Fresh”. It seemed no banana in the villa was safe.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water… Kirk had been having a ball on the beach with the myriad of tattooed bombshells on offer, but all that was about to change with the shock arrival of his former bride-to-be. When Cami Li rocked up, the Towie star exploded. The jaw-dropping, beep-laden footage culminated with Kirk telling his ex-fiancée he was going to poo (that’s right) in her bed. The charmer later punched a wall and was unceremoniously kicked off the beach.
Mad Megan provided plenty of watch-through-your-fingers moments, but it was her infamously vicious poolside catfight with series four co-star Naomi that made our cut. After a throwaway comment about Megan’s then-boyfriend, Jordan, the EOTB legend erupted and it wasn’t long before security were called to break up the baying brunettes. Then fellow Exer Olivia summed the situation up beautifully: “Megan is a psychopath". Indeed.
In another of Mad Megan’s finest moments, the mouthy Essex girl had a full-on meltdown in series three when the brave/stupid Laura decided to take her on. What did she do, you ask? Come on to her man? Mock her appearance? Spill her cocktail? No, Laura ate her ham and cheese! HAM AND CHEESE! Megan had to be restrained. Again.
Despite some tough competition, the star of series three was undoubtedly, Jayden Robins. He called himself “The Fresh”, and wore the pants to prove it. He hip-thrusted, like, all the time. One time he just shouted “BICEPS” for no discernible reason. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t miss him.
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