All right, so this is what we’ve gathered from Inferno’s extensive trailer. The movie’s baddie is the geneticist scientist Bertrand Zobrist. The guy is worried about the planet’s overcrowding - and so creates a plague to infect the world with, in order to cut numbers of people down. Awkwardly, he’s clearly missed the memo about how projections say that world population will peak in 2050. Also, why bother creating a plague when there are already so many awful illnesses already in existence that he could have used?
2. X-Men (2000)
He might look like a really cuddly villain, but Magneto is nothing short of bonkers. Convinced that humans will never leave mutants alone, he decides that the simplest solution to his paranoia is to make a bunch of government heads become mutants too. Yeah, we’re not sure how that would change things either. And here’s the other problem: Magneto hasn’t really tested his machine properly, so he doesn’t know that actually, it just kills people. You’d really think that he’d double check before plonking it on top of the Statue of Liberty. But hey, maybe that’s just us.
X-Men is available now on Virgin Movies
3. Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Here’s another tacky entry in the ‘managing overpopulation’ category. Businessman Richmond Valentine (an amaziiing turn by Samuel L. Jackson, can we just say) is planning to broadcast frequencies around the world that’ll get people to kill each other (hereby reducing the number of inhabitants on the planet). However, just to have a crowd to hang out with after that happens, he convinces the rich, wealthy and influential to get themselves implanted with a microchip in their brain that negate the effects of the wave. But honestly, who would ever agree to getting a brain intervention done by someone with so much murderous intent? And what is Valentine going to do with a world that’s nearly empty?
4. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
There’s so much to unpick in this one that we don’t quite know where to start. First, there’s Batman’s terrible plan to wreak revenge on Superman (yeah, we think you can argue that Batman is sort of the villain in this one, for at least a little while.) It’s never really clear why he is so angry at Clark Kent, or why his ethics go down the drain as soon as he sets his eyes on his fellow superhero. Much worse though is Lex Luthor, who importing kryptonite to fashion weapons against Superman, and then…does confusing stuff. He randomly makes a monster out of his and Zod’s DNA (Zod being the villain in Man of Steel, if you’ll remember) to attack the city. We’re still figuring that one out.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is available now on Virgin Movies
5. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
For starters, this is one where the heroes actually create their villain. Woops. Not good going, guys. When Tony Stark brings to life his global defence system Ultron, it develops a consciousness of its own, rebels against him and decides that in order to save the planet, he needs to wipe out the human race. Uh, what? There isn’t really any explanation as to why Ultron thinks that might be a good idea - especially given that he attempts to transfer himself into a (synthetic) human body.
6. Fantastic Four (2015)
This version of Fantastic Four is principally about the team learning to come to terms with their unwanted - and troublesome - superpowers. So when a villain ultimately pops up, it feels a little bit slapdash. So are his aims. Victor Von Doom (who’s probably got one of the most obviously villain-ish names ever) decides that he wants to obliterate planet Earth so that only his own world remains. Yup, that totally makes no sense. The worse thing about it is that Victor does have something to actually be upset about: being left behind for a year in that creepy land. Why isn’t he taking revenge for that?
7. Batman Begins (2005)
The League of Shadows, led by Ra’s al Ghul, are intent on wiping Gotham city off the map. So it seems a little stupid that they would a) share the plan with one of the city’s preeminent residents, Bruce Wayne b) teach him how to fight and c) come up with a complicated plan which involves giving the whole city hallucinations. If you’re going to poison the water supply, why not just poison it, rather than infect it with a product that gives people visions - and needs to be vaporised into the air via a microwave emitter (that in turn has to be driven around on a monorail to be effective?). And these guys are meant to be genius assassins? They clearly didn’t consult this handy list of what not to do if you become an evil overlord. Rookies.
Batman Begins is available now on Virgin Movies
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