Monday 31st October at 9pm on ITV (CH 103)
Why you should watch: Because that nice Joanne Froggatt from Downton Abbey is playing a horrendous serial killer, and it’ll be all sorts of weird to watch.
Myra Hindley? Rose West?: Actually it’s someone called Mary Ann Cotton, who was much, much worse than even those monsters.
How so?: She killed many of her own children, along with three of her husbands.
What to expect: Dickensian squalor, and Joanne Froggatt making us cringe in horror a fair few times.
Look out for: Jonas Armstrong, aka that lad who played Robin Hood in the BBC series from a few years back, as one of the killer’s lovers.
Educating Joey Essex
Tuesday 1st November at 9pm on ITV2 (CH 115)
Why you should watch: Affable dunce Joey Essex is back, to gawp at the world in endearing confusion. And he’s jetting abroad, too.
Context of Joey’s confusion: Los Angeles, the once place barmier than he is.
Why is he there?: To take a tour of celebrity homes in Hollywood, and meet a voodoo priestess with a snake on her head.
Will it be reem?: It’ll be the American Reem. Get it?
Also: Some guy who knows the Kardashians will turn up, and will no doubt be punchably annoying.
Wednesday 2nd November at 9pm on Sky Living (CH 167)
Why you should watch: It’s a big new shiny legal drama, and we’re suckers for those.
Cool star alert: It’s… Hayley Atwell!
But she’s Agent Carter and lives in the 1940s!: No, that’s just a character she plays. Not to shatter your comic geek world-view, or anything.
What’s the gist?: Atwell plays a top lawyer who is forced to join a team dedicated to overturning wrongful convictions.
Also: Her dad used to be the President of the United States, which we’re sure will be in NO way relevant to anything at all. Right?
Wednesday 2nd October at 9pm on W (CH 125)
Why you should watch: It’s the brand new season of the fast and furious medical drama.
What’s the gist?: Unfeasibly good looking doctors angst over life and death decisions while patients complain in the background. You get the idea.
New superstar cast addition alert: Rob Lowe, who looks uncannily like a slightly stubbly Zac Efron, is joining the team.
Does he play a brave, brilliant doctor?: A brave, brilliant doctor who’s fresh from the battlefields of the Middle East, no less.
Is this the only major medical drama returning tonight?: Funny you should ask… read on below.
Wednesday 2nd November at 10pm on Sky Living (CH 112)
Why you should watch: The unashamedly soppy medical soap returns for a new season, so have the hankies handy.
Is McDreamy still dead?: Yes, McDreamy is still dead.
Moments to look out for: One of the doctors will be admitted as a patient, while there’s a lot of bickering about the naming of a baby.
What to say: “13 seasons in, and Grey’s Anatomy is in rude health. Which is more than can be said for the patients.”
What not to say: “This programme is cheesier than a four cheese pizza from the Cheesy Pizza Company of Cheesehampton.”
DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow
Thursday 3rd November at 8pm on Sky1 (CH 110)
Why you should watch: It’s season two of the time-travelling superhero saga, and things are about to go nuclear. Literally.
What’s happening?: A mushroom cloud decimating New York in the 1940s, plus evil Nazis, plus all sorts of fun stuff like that.
Best crossover moment of the week: Stephen Amell turns up as Green Arrow, and boy is he confused.
Second best crossover moment of the week: Another, more dastardly, familiar face will make an appearance.
Look out for: Albert Einstein. We hope he becomes an honorary member of the team.
Thursday 3rd November on Netflix
Why you should watch: Imagine a cop drama, but one that’s set in the far-future, across the planets of the solar system. Cool, right?
What’s the gist?: A world-weary cop has to find a missing girl. In space.
Is that all?: There will also be conspiracies, dark dealings in the corridors of power, and massive space ships because we’re in space.
What makes it special: This is no ordinary procedural. It’s a proper, sci-fi saga, with lots of world-building. And Mars is an independent power, now.
Jump up and point moment: Jonathan Banks, aka Mike Ehrmantraut in Breaking Bad, makes a random appearance.
The Expanse will be available to watch on Netflix from Thursday 3rd November
Friday 4th November at 9pm on Sky Living (CH 112)
Why you should watch: James Spader is back being our favourite mysterious rogue/criminal/paternal-hero guy in season four of The Blacklist.
Where are we at?: Liz has been abducted by her maybe-father, and Red is on the warpath to find her.
How warpath-y we talking?: He cuts a man’s head off, OK?
What to say: “Fun, exciting, with a killer cast, The Blacklist is one of the best shows on the box.”
What not to say: “James Spader is so awesome, he’d bring out the daddy issues in anyone.”
Friday 4th November on Netflix
Why you should watch: Netflix have spent gazillions on this glossy, epic look at the life of Queen Elizabeth II. And it’s looking good.
Who’s playing Liz?: Doe-eyed Claire Foy, who’ll have more luck in this royal royal than her last one (she recently had her head lopped off as Anne Boleyn).
Is there a Doctor Who in it?: Matt Smith is Prince Philip, and it’s going to be hard not to keep expecting him to break character and frolic around, Doctor-style.
Unlikely Churchill alert: John Lithgow is playing everyone’s favourite cigar-bothering war leader.
Polished pedigree alert: The Crown has been written by Peter Morgan, who knows a thing or two about the Queen, having written… The Queen.
The Crown will be available to watch on Netflix from Friday 4th November
Saturday 5th November at 10pm on FOX (CH 104)
Why you should watch: It’s a brilliant comedy-drama about aspiring rappers, and it’s brilliant.
You said that already: Yes well déjà vu is one of the themes of the first episode. Also, it IS brilliant.
Who says?: The critics. One major US reviewer has called it “a finished, cinematic and beautiful production”.
Who’s in it?: The achingly talented Donald Glover, aka Troy from Community.
Trivia tidbit to tell mates while watching: Donald Glover is playing young Lando in the upcoming Han Solo film.
Recommended for you