Max (The Secret Life of Pets) vs Mr Bigglesworth (Austin Powers)
The sarcastic hound tries to use his street-smarts to outwit the pampered pussy, but because he's too grossed out to get the hairless cat in any sort of hold, Dr Evil's cat takes the spoils. No one embraces him upon getting the verdict, because yuck.
Winner: Mr Bigglesworth
Marley (Marley and Me) vs Pascal (Tangled)
Marley the dog has boundless energy, but the faithful retriever ends up chasing his own tail when Rapunzel's faithful chameleon simply changes to the same colour as the arena floor, confusing his idiot opponent.
Babe (Babe) vs Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)
Plucky pig Babe has heart where it counts, but Stitch is literally an alien monster from outer space, with sharp teeth and claws and a love of pork. It's all over in a bacony blur: there will be no pig in the city tonight.
Sparky (Frankenweenie) vs Slimer (Ghostbusters)
It's a battle of the supernatural pets: the undead dog versus the ethereal slob. It's a difficult match-up to get a handle on, what with one contestant being technically dead and the other having no corporeal form, but when Slimer is distracted by a nearby donut, the dog wins by default.
Harry (Harry and the Hendersons) vs Jonesy (Alien)
Jonesy the cat has survived terrible things in space, but he couldn't survive a hug from the over-friendly sasquatch, who just wanted a cuddle. If he stays in this good a mood, the 7-foot beast from the wildnerness is going to be a force to be reckoned with.
Black Beauty (Black Beauty) vs Blofeld's cat (Diamonds Are Forever)
A horse versus a cat? Whose idea was this? Blofeld's cat immediately goes on the offensive, leaping on Black Beauty's back and sinking her teeth in. Beauty bucks, then before the cat even lands, hoofs it over the nearest fence. Textbook volley.
Winner: Black Beauty
Hooch (Turner & Hooch) vs Abu (Aladdin)
Slobbering dog versus street thief monkey. Hooch might be adept at fighting crime, but Abu is too crafty to be caught. Exhausted from chasing the monkey, Hooch settles into a slobbery nap, which is against the rules. Monkey wins.
Darwin (G-Force) vs Garfield (Garfield)
Garfield oversleeps and misses the match. Shame, because everyone wanted to see a cat fight a guinea pig.
Dug (Up) vs Gizmo (Gremlins)
“Oh boy, I will try not to hurt my new friend!” says Dug the gormless talking dog. “This will be fun!” Gizmo the mogwai checks his watch: the match was scheduled for 5pm and there's no way he can tolerate this idiot until after midnight. He waves the white flag.
Uggie (The Artist) vs Hedwig (Harry Potter)
Ever the professional, Uggie signs autographs and poses for fans before his fight with the Harry Potter delivery owl. When the whistle blows, Hedwig swoops, picks up her opponent and flies over the horizon. When she returns, she's dog-less. Uggie is never seen again.
Buddy (Air Bud) vs Falkor (The Never-Ending Story)
Falkor the Luckdragon might be a mythical beast who can fly and breathe blue fire, but can he dunk? He cannot dunk. He can't even do a lay-up. It's not even a contest. Later, Falkor will realise it was grossly unfair the fight was scored on basketball abilities.
Beethoven (Beethoven) vs Iago (Aladdin)
Big dumb dog Beethoven doesn't want to be here today, he'd rather be curled up in front of a fireplace. Iago the parrot squawks obscenities at his opponent in that grating voice of his until Beethoven can't compose himself and fouls the arena floor. Eww.
Toto (The Wizard Of Oz) vs Lassie (Lassie)
Battle of the classic movie pooches! Talented young upstart Toto takes on movie legend Lassie, but the experience of the border collie wins the day. “You're not in Kansas any more,” Lassie would have said, if she could talk.
Scooby-Doo (Scooby-Doo) vs Toothless (How To Train Your Dragon)
Zoinks! A dragon! Skitterish idiot dog Scooby jumps in fright at the sight of his black scaly opponent, leaping into his owner Shaggy's arms. Toothless wins without flapping his wings. Scoob later fails a drugs test after being found positive for Scooby Snacks.
Gromit (Wallace & Gromit) vs Bolt (Bolt)
Disney dog Bolt thinks he's an action hero, but his entire existence has been based on a lie. Gromit, however, faces real peril every day of his life: living with Wallace is a real adventure. The plasticine pooch is untouchable.
Baxter (Anchorman) vs Pongo (101 Dalmatians)
Ron Burgundy's dog is looking a little worse for wear out there, having eaten an entire wheel of cheese for a pre-fight snack. Pongo and his family have strength in numbers: the gang up on Baxter and punt him off a bridge.
Mr Bigglesworth vs Pascal
Pascal takes one look at his hideous hairless opponent and changes colour to an uncomfortable nude pink. Bigglesworth has seen some truly evil stuff in his time, but he can't face looking at himself in the mirror and grosses himself out of the running.
Stitch vs Sparky
How do you kill something that is already dead? Stitch goes on the attack but Sparky soaks up all the damage. Suddenly, a Tim Burton-esque lightning bolt strikes and fries Stitch on the spot. Fear the goth dog.
Harry vs Black Beauty
The Hendersons' pet just wants to pet the pretty horse, and Beauty – a lover, not a fighter – is more than willing to be stroked. It's beyond the pale, however, when Harry tries to climb aboard Beauty and ride her, and although it makes for quite a sight, it's against the rules.
Winner: Black Beauty
Abu vs Darwin
Darwin the guinea pig knows he was only included to meet a diversity quota: no guinea pig has ever won a fight before, even when heavily armed. Abu, on the other hand, regularly tussles with Rajah the tiger, his sparring partner. No contest.
Dug vs Hedwig
Hedwig has some sneaky pre-match tactics, delivering Dug a fake letter purporting to be from his owner Carl, disowning him. It has no effect, because even though he can talk, Dug can't read. The dog wins on points after the crowd turn on the owl.
Buddy vs Iago
Smarmy Iago can't make any Machiavellian plans against an opponent who knows only the language of sports. Adept at basketball, American football and – crucially – volleyball, Buddy leaps into the air and spikes Iago for the point and the win.
Lassie vs Toothless
No one wanted to draw the dragon, but established pro Lassie at least gives it a good go. Unfortunately, she receives word that there's a small boy nearby trapped down a well, and abandons the bout. We later find out there was a boy down a well, and he was dropped down there by Toothless.
Gromit vs Pongo
Essentially what we have here are two harmless dogs who wouldn't hurt a fly, but someone has to win and Gromit has madcap technology on his side, entering the arena wearing a pair of mechanised battle trousers. Pongo, rightly, goes home to his kids.
Who will reign supreme in the Movie Pet world cup? There’s still everything to play for in the finals!
Watch The Secret Life of Pets now in On Demand > Movies > Virgin Movies
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