Monday 7th November at 11pm on Comedy Central (CH 132)
Why you should watch: Pay attention, boys and girls, because this classroom comedy promises to be the cheekiest take on the teaching profession since The Inbetweeners.
Is it a remake of the old British show?: Nope. A+ for your history knowledge, though.
What to expect: A deconstruction of fairy tales (“Sometimes Prince Charming wants to date other people”) and embarrassing flirtations with the local “hot dad”.
Unlikely trivia factoid: The six stars are called Katy, Katie, Katie, Kate, Cate and Caitlin. Hence being known as The Katydids.
Will it make me nostalgic for my lost youth?: If anything, it’ll remind us we’re all just overgrown children.
Monday 7th November at 9pm on Sky1 (CH 110)
Why you should watch: The supermarket-set sitcom is back for its sixth series, and there’s big news happening.
Spill the discounted baked beans?: We’re about to discover who the new Valco area manager is. Woo!
Moral dilemma of the episode: Should lovable boss Gavin really feel this guilty about junk food promotions? He’s clearly been watching too much Jamie Oliver.
Watch out for: The prats in the bakery section.
Celebrity cast addition alert: Comedian Rufus Hound is here as a terrible sales rep
MasterChef: The Professionals
Tuesday 8th November at 8pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: The reliably terrifying Marcus Wareing and Monica Galetti are back to poke at panna cottas and stare at chefs until they cry.
What about Gregg?: Yes, the perma-grinning pudding-botherer is back too, for reasons which continue to puzzle us all.
What’s on the menu?: The opening episode sees the hapless contestants whipping up a retro classic: Steak Diane.
What to say: “Oh shut up Gregg.”
What not to say: “And the difference between crème anglaise and custard is what, exactly?”
Tuesday 8th November at 10pm on FOX (CH 157)
Why you should watch: It’s the new season of the French cop saga that makes most other police shows look like Dixon of Dock Green.
What’s the gist?: Hard-as-nails detectives take on thugs and mobsters and corrupt officials, with the occasional Heat-style shootout.
Does it matter I’ve never seen it before?: Just park your butt and get watching, or Captain Eddy Caplan will get mad at you.
Scary villain with cutesy name alert: Prepare to meet Baba, the head of the Turkish Mafia.
Will there be croissants and accordion music?: Get out.
Election Night in America
Tuesday 8th November at 11.15pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: The craziest, ugliest, most scandal-ridden and downright bonkers US election is about to reach its conclusion. How can you miss this?
Who will win?: Clinton. Trump. Crump. WE JUST DON’T KNOW AND NOBODY KNOWS. ARGH.
What’s the Beeb up to?: The big guns are here, with Andrew Neil presenting coverage from Times Square, while the likes of Emily Maitlis and Jeremy Vine sift through data and pretend to know what’s going on.
Can’t I just watch something else and forget it’s happening?: Wimp!
Best watched with: Literal gallons of coffee. None of us are sleeping till this thing is over.
The Vampire Diaries
Tuesday 8th November at 12am on ITV2 (CH 115)
Why you should watch: It’s the last ever season of the fantasy-horror-romance saga. Hankies at the ready, everyone.
What’s happening?: Oh you know, death, destruction, mind-controlling vault monsters, and lots of people with perfect cheekbones.
Reason to get excited: Elena might be returning for this finale season.
What to say: “This is the second biggest horrorshow of the night, after the US election.”
What not to say: “Stick a stake in it, it’s done.”
Black Is The New Black
Wednesday 9th November at 10pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: It’s a major new series which lays bare our nation from the perspective of black Britons.
Example Britons: A who’s who of greats, including Trevor McDonald, Lenny Henry, Naomi Campbell and Thandie Newton.
First up: The stars tell all about their earliest memories and experiences of growing up in Blighty.
Football crazy: Actor David Harewood will be giving a heartfelt account of watching Leeds United play for the first time.
By the way: It’s directly preceded on BBC Two by another show about the black experience in Britain, so circle that one as well.
Close To The Enemy
Thursday 10th November at 9pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Stephen Poliakoff dramas are always an “event”, and this one looks every bit as prestigious and polished as we’d expect.
Yes, but are there stars?: Jim “One Day” Sturgess and Freddie “Bates Motel” Highmore are among the show’s uber-cool actors.
What’s the gist?: It’s a drama set at the end of WW2, with a German scientist being coerced into helping the RAF.
What to say: “Stephen Poliakoff’s writing is reliably fascinating, even if you don’t quite know what’s going on.”
What not to say: “I don’t quite know what’s going on.”
My Mother And Other Strangers
Sunday 13th November at 9pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: Because this is about to become everyone’s new Sunday evening addiction.
Why?: It’s a drama about the forbidden relationships and social issues which unfold when an American airbase sets up near a Northern Ireland parish in WW2.
Will there be dashing airmen and rural beauties?: You bet there will be.
Cosy pedigree alert: It’s from the writer who gave us Ballykissangel and The Darling Buds of May.
Look out for: The chap who played Ken Cosgrove in Mad Men.
Sunday 13th November at 9pm on FOX (CH 157)
Why you should watch: It’s a big new documentary series about the first manned mission to Mars.
A documentary, you say?: Yes, even though we haven’t actually gone to Mars yet.
What is all this?: Think of it as a TV drama, but in the form of a super-realistic documentary about a future event that hasn’t happened yet.
What actually happens in it?: We follow the spaceship Daedalus as it takes the first humans to the Red Planet. Plus, there’ll be real-life experts giving insights into what such a mission would really be like.
Impressive credentials alert: One of the people behind it is Apollo 13 director Ron Howard.
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