Ramsay’s back, someone from NCIS has his own courtroom drama, and a Series Of Unfortunate Events unfold…
The Great Indoors
Monday 9th January at 9.30pm on ITV2 (CH 115)
Why you should watch: Because it’s a timely new US comedy poking fun at our Instagrammy, hashtag-ridden, swipe-obsessed world.
What’s the gist?: A 40-something outdoorsy adventurer-type is relegated to a desk job with a bunch of young hipsters, and is horrified.
You’ll like it if: You’re fed up of clickbait articles, dating apps, and the over-use of the phrase “zombie apocalypse”.
Unexpected British national treasure alert: Stephen Fry is in it! For some reason!
Quotes to live by: “Do you want me to hand you these beers, or should I just text them?”
MasterChef Junior USA
Monday 9th January at 8pm on W (CH 125)
Why you should watch: Because it’ll be funny to watch Gordon Ramsay bark into the face of a pasta-bothering 9-year-old.
He wouldn’t, would he?: Ah, probably not. The man’s not TOTALLY heartless.
How you can tell it’s American: It’s got an 11-year-old named Derek. Because over there that’s still a cool and totally acceptable name for kids, like Colin. Or Gordon.
What to say: “It’s heartening to see that kids can have a passion for cooking in an era of junk food convenience.”
What not to say: “Oh eat some Haribos, ya nerds.”
Tuesday 10th December at 8pm on E4 (CH 144)
Why you should watch: It’s season four of the hit comedy that, despite its title, is definitely NOT a reality show about Whoopi Goldberg.
So what is it, then?: A vaguely autobiographical sitcom about the childhood of comedy writer Adam F. Goldberg.
When’s it set?: The 80s. That’s right: we’ve got a whole load of 80s nostalgia going on. Like Stranger Things, only with fewer terrifying hell-beasts.
Where we’re at: The new season kicks off with young Adam’s first day at high school. We’re sure that’ll go without a hitch.
Don’t you forget about: The Breakfast Club. It’s heavily referenced in the episode…
The Chris Ramsey Show
Wednesday 11th January at 10pm on Comedy Central (CH 132)
Why you should watch: Rising comedy star Chris Ramsey brings us a brand new show, and it will almost certainly make you snort tea from your nose.
What’s the set-up?: Celebrity guests join Chris as he sifts through social media posts and orchestrates fun, games and crazed shenanigans.
Who’s up first?: Comedian Natasia Demetriou and some bloke called Jimmy Carr.
Any obligatory reality show stars?: May we interest you in Vicky Pattison from Geordie Shore?
Watch if you like: Celebrity Juice, A League of Their Own, and anything containing pratfalls.
Love At First Kiss
Wednesday 11th January at 9pm on TLC (CH 167)
Why you should watch: Thought outrageous novelty dating shows were just a 2016 thing? Think again!
What’s this one about?: Lovelorn singletons kiss complete strangers, THEN go on a date.
Really?: Yes. They literally go into a room, having never met before, and kiss.
Actual sample quote: “Maybe I’ll be able to, like, slip tongue.”
Best watched while: Wearing an anti-cringe neck brace, to stop you looking away in agony.
Wednesday 11th January at 10pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Soon to be the talk of the nation, this new show shows ordinary British people nattering about the news.
In other words: It’s a kind of current affairs-flavoured Googlebox.
Sample Brits: Dinner ladies from Leeds, market traders in East London, butchers from Birmingham.
Obvious drinking game idea: Take a shot whenever anyone mentions “Brexit” or “Trump”.
Best watched with: Your own family and friends, so you can out-quip the people on screen.
Friday 13th January at 10pm on FOX (CH 157)
Why you should watch: Because this is a courtroom drama like no other.
Objection!: Overruled. We mean it, this is unique, because the hero is a guy who meddles with juries and plays the system. But legally.
Who is he?: Dr Jason Bull, a psychology wizard who is hired to deduce and manipulate the mindset of jurors.
Why does he look familiar?: He’s the chap who plays the chap from NCIS. You know, the cocky handsome one.
Unlikely trivia tidbit: This series is based on the real-life exploits of US talk show host Dr Phil.
Tina And Bobby
Friday 13th January at 9pm on ITV (CH 103)
Why you should watch: It’s a big, soapy drama about the relationship between football legend Bobby Moore and his wife Tina (played by Michelle Keegan).
Nostalgic much?: Oh yes. Think 60s music and scratchy home video-style sequences.
In other words: It’s like if Heartbeat did a Footballer’s Wives spin-off.
Who’s Bobby Moore?: He only captained England in the ’66 World Cup. That’s all.
Near miss or back of the net?: If a juicy, unashamedly emotional true life saga is what you’re after, this three-parter should score a hat trick.
Revenge Body With Khloe Kardashian
Friday 13th January on hayu
Why you should watch: It’s a new Kardashian show! (Resistance is futile.)
What’s the gist?: Khloe helps out-of-shape people get fit, regain self esteem, and “shut down the shamers”.
What this actually means: Lots of sweaty exercises, mixed with up-lifting messages, weepy hugs, and Khloe looking dead proud.
Money quote: “Who can say their life was changed by a Kardashian?”
Best watched with: A giant bowl of kale. It’s what Khloe would want.
Revenge Body will be available to watch from Friday 13th January on hayu
Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events
Friday 13th January on Netflix
Why you should watch: Because Neil Patrick Harris is playing a bizarre skulking, scheming count, and that’s fantastic.
Where have we seen this before?: There was a movie version with Jim Carrey as aforementioned skulking scheming count.
What’s the general story?: Orphaned kids are stalked by their diabolical guardian, Count Olaf, who’s after their inheritance.
Sounds dark: Yes, but in a fantastical, vaguely gothy, Tim Burton sort of way.
Who is Lemony Snicket?: The author of the original books, which have sold a bazillion copies. So this may well be this year’s big Netflix must-watch.
Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events will be available to watch from Friday 13th January on Netflix