This is an intervention. Yes, Overwatch is one of the most fun and delightful team-based shooters to grace our consoles in years. But it’s important to set some boundaries. With a game this prone to delivering zany moments and last-minute victories, it’s easy for “Just one or two matches” to become an entire evening lost to adventuring with these heroes.
So know your limits. Remember to put the controller down every couple of hours and get some fresh air. And be alert for any of these warning signs that maybe, just maybe, your time with Overwatch has gone a wee bit too far.
1. This has become your default greeting. (Seriously, was your voice always this gravelly?)
2. You’ve busted out your old roller blades again. Although you’d rather not talk about your less-than-graceful attempt at wall riding...
3. To get people in your office mobilised for a meeting, you yell “Form up on the payload!” You are saddened when they ignore you (but not surprised).
4. Your roommate caught you whispering “Helden sterben nicht” to your desiccated houseplants.
5. Whenever someone asks for the time, you always say the same thing.
6. You’ve become very edgy around your Roomba…
7. …and around spiders.
8. Your interactions with Brits have gotten awkward, because if they remain motionless for several seconds, you poke them and ask if they’re afk.
9. You’ve thought about what your own Play of the Game intro would look like, but you’re pretty sure it could never be as cute as Mei’s.
10. You yelled “Apagando las luces!” when you finally remembered the password to your Humble Bundle account.
11. You’re giving your mother a sleep dart for her birthday, because all the cool moms have one.
12. You wish that D.Va had her own Twitch stream.
13. You spent more money on in-game loot boxes than on real-world candy during the Halloween event…
14. …plus you’ve already got your costume on lock for this year.
15. At the gym, you feel like you’d burn loads more calories if your trainer had pink hair.
16. You made a cashier decidedly uncomfortable by referring to clothes shopping as “getting a new skin.”
17. When you pick sniper in other shooters, your KDR bombs because you got used to having infinite ammo and always forget to reload.
18. Just kidding, you haven’t played any other shooters since Overwatch came out.