Wanna be on top? That’s not a rhetorical question, people. Do you literally, actually, want to be on top? Well then listen up, because becoming the Next Top Model is about more than just having cheekbones sharp enough to slice sashimi (which, by the way, is all you’ll be allowed to eat, ever).
No, you’ll also need certain skills, tactics and attitude adjustments if you really want to sink your claws into the competition and make your pout more than just Instagram-famous.
As Britain’s Next Top Model prepares to strut back onto our screens from Thursday 16th March at 9pm on Lifetime® (CH 208) and Lifetime® HD (CH 209), let’s take some lessons from some of the fiercest contestants so far…
Don’t get too pally
Yes, there’s lots of hugging and crying and heart-to-hearting among the contestants, but don’t get carried away. You’re not here to big up the sisterhood, you’re to crush people under your stilettoes. Don’t worry, maybe you’ll be besties with Cara Delevingne after you win.
Hold back on the sexy
There’s a fine line between “sultry model” and “adult star”, so err on the side of subtlety…
…but don’t be a prude altogether
Of course, sometimes you will need to give a glimpse of the inner vixen, and do something that would shock your mum. Best let the photographer tell you exactly how far on the minx-o-meter you should go, though.
Deploy sassy rhymes
OK, this isn’t absolutely necessary. But it will feel good.
Hide behind fake jokes
You can’t be rude, catty and unbelievably vicious all of the time. Just, like, 87% of the time. Sometimes it pays to pretend that you’re actually kidding. Like when you want to clear the air, plant an unpopular opinion in people’s minds, or make out that you have any kind of sense of humour (which you don’t – a sense of humour is for losers).
Drop the odd sob story
Had a tough upbringing? Was your childhood like one long EastEnders Christmas episode? Then shamelessly bang on about it, and you might just be able to guilt the judges into letting you through to the next round.
Smack down any fools
Now please don’t actually deck anyone. That will get you thrown out of the whole competition. But make no mistake, when the other wannabes start acting out of line, put them straight. They’ll respect you for it. While also hating you forever.
Treat yourself sometimes
OK, so sashimi, water and dust will make up the majority of a winner’s diet, but hey. Sometimes your sanity demands cheesecake.
Never, ever think like this
And finally, here’s a lesson in how NOT to think. Because – by god – winning Next Top Model IS your basic human right, and don’t you forget it.
Britain's Next Top Model airs on Thursdays at 9pm on Lifetime® (CH 208) and Lifetime® HD (CH 209). Also available for 30 days in Catch Up > Channels > Lifetime