Burly men do battle for The Last Kingdom, while Marvel’s Iron Fist will be smashing into action. Excited yet? You should be…
The Vampire Diaries
Tuesday 14th March at 11.55pm on ITV2 (CH 115)
Why you should watch: It’s time to sink our fangs into the rest of the Vampire Diaries’ last ever season.
Things to look forward to: All kinds of sexy/scary shenanigans, but top of the list: Nina Dobrev returning to the show!
When? WHEN?: Well, not till the grand finale. So you’ll have to be a little patient yet.
What to say: “Well, at least Supernatural is still going.”
What not to say: “Fangs for the memories.”
Mystery Of The Man On The Moor
Wednesday 15th March at 10pm on Channel 4 (CH 104)
Why you should watch: Because it’s a fascinating documentary delving into a real-life whodunit.
What’s the story?: In 2015, a man was found on Saddleworth Moor, apparently killed by strychnine, but with no clue as to his identity.
Who is “Neil Dovestone”?: It’s what the police decided to call the corpse. Told you this was fascinating.
What to expect: Intimate footage of the coppers going about the business of detection, which is painstaking in the way police dramas never are.
Unlikeliest quote: “It touched our hearts,” says one cop. So could the revelation be more poignant than sinister?
Monica The Medium
Wednesday 15th January at 10.30pm on MTV (CH 134)
Why you should watch: You’ll gawp if you’re a believer, or smugly scoff if you’re a cynic. A win-win, either way.
What’s the actual gist?: Oh, it’s the normal everyday reality show about a college student who communes with the dead.
Sample communing: The new season kicks off with Monica helping a widow reconcile with her dead hubby at a truck stop. As you do.
What to say: “Whether you take her at face value or not, this is an emotionally charged, feel-good series that’s hard to resist.”
What not to say: “This would be at least 60% better if it was a bizarre supernatural cookery show starring Monica Galetti.”
The Last Kingdom
Thursday 16th February at 9pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Epic landscapes, visceral battles, medieval politics and big blokes hitting each other with swords. What could be better?
Belated sequel alert: The first season aired back in 2015. Way to keep us waiting, BBC.
What’s the story?: If you’ve forgotten, it’s basically Saxons and Vikings, based on books by Bernard Cornwell.
Where are we at?: Our lank-haired hero Uhtred, who could star in shampoo ads in between bloody battles, embarks on a daring rescue mission.
Trivia tidbit: The massive man playing Clapa is a former World’s Strongest Man. And a champion arm wrestler.
John Bishop: In Conversation With
Thursday 16th March at 9pm on W (CH 125)
Why you should watch: Scouse smoothie John Bishop is back to have addictively intimate chats with a series of superstars.
Who’s up first?: Lindsay Lohan. A lady with more well-publicised issues than Vogue magazine.
Interview highlights: Expect Lindsay to spill the beans on her turbulent Hollywood hi-jinks, and notoriously rocky adolescence.
Gossip you’ll want to share: Apparently, Lindsay regards her own father as a Jekyll and Hyde character.
Look out for: Future guests in the series, including Olly Murs, Ellie Simmonds and Meera Syal.
Britain’s Next Top Model
Thursday 16th March at 9pm on Lifetime (CH 208)
Why you should watch: Because watching these girls fight it out is going to be your greatest guilty pleasure over the coming weeks.
Who are the judges?: Male supermodel Paul Sculfor, fashion editor Hilary Alexander, celebrity photographer Nicky Johnston, and uber-WAG Abbey Clancy.
Trailblazer alert: One of the gals, Talulah-Eve Brown, is BNTM’s first ever transgender contestant.
Why you might feel old: One of the contestants makes a living playing computer games online. Because that’s a career now.
Abbey Clancy fact: She was herself a contestant on BNTM, back in series two.
Rich Hall’s Countrier Than You
Friday 17th March at 9pm on BBC Four (CH 107)
Why you should watch: The rumpled funnyman, who does “wry” the way Piers Morgan does “smug”, is back for another odyssey across America.
What’s the mission this time?: To explore and explain country music. And before you assume he’ll be taking the mickey, the man loves the stuff.
How much does he love it?: Well, we’ll get to hear him sing his very own country song, called Working Dog. Take that, Johnny Cash.
Where he’ll be going: Nashville and Austin, which have rival takes on country music. Who knew?
Best watched with: A tumbler of bourbon and a big Stetson hat. Boots and spurs optional.
Marvel’s Iron Fist
Friday 17th March on Netflix
Why you should watch: The next piece in the Marvel TV jigsaw puzzle is here, and his name is Danny Rand.
Why we’re geeking out: He’s the “final Defender”, shortly to team up with Daredevil, Jessica Jones and Luke Cage.
Who is Danny Rand?: The orphaned heir to a business empire, who returns to claim his birthright and kick bad guy butt.
How will he do that?: With martial arts skills picked up in a mystical city. Obvs.
The secret star: Never mind Danny, the real scene-stealer is set to be Colleen Wing, Danny’s partner-in-butt-kicking, who’s got all the critics excited.
Marvel’s Iron Fist is available to watch from Friday 17th March on Netflix
Friday 17th March at 9pm on History (CH 270)
Why you should watch: It’s a survival show with a difference.
How’s that then?: The 10 contestants are dropped off at separate points in a vast wilderness, and compete to see who can survive the longest.
Also: There’s no camera crew. Each person has to document their own outdoorsy ordeal.
In other words: It’s a bit like if a Bear Grylls show was crossed with a dystopian futuristic gameshow, a la Running Man.
Bonus reason to watch: You’ll never feel more glad that you’re a boring ordinary person rather than some rampaging Rambo-like survivalist.
Friday 17th March at 9pm on TLC (CH )
Why you should watch: Buddy Valastro – aka baking’s answer to Tony Soprano – is back to tempt us away from our low-carb diets.
Who is this Buddy guy?: Unencumbered by the need to whack his rivals or cope with nervous breakdowns, Buddy gets on with being New Jersey's most eminent cakesmith.
In other words: It’s Ace Of Cakes, but with fewer smiley hipsters.
What’s on the menu: A dragon-themed cake for a modern-day knight. We have no idea what that even means.
Cute cats alert: There will be a scene in a “cat café”.