There’ll be some juicy, brain-eating zombie action on telly this week. But don’t worry, there’s also a comedy about a merry monarch to lighten the tone.
Child Of Our Time
Monday 3rd April at 9pm on BBC One (CH 101)
Why you should watch: Because it’s an amazing documentary starring one of the Super Mario Bros. (Or Professor Robert Winston, if you’re being pedantic.)
What’s going on?: Every few years, the BBC returns to study a group of kids who were born at the start of the 21st Century. This is the latest update.
Study how?: Don’t worry, they won’t be measuring their heads with calipers or anything. But you can expect incredible revelations about the evolution of the brain, and teenage behaviour.
Look out for: Young Matt, who’s gone from timid infant to paragliding daredevil.
Possible downside: It’ll remind you that people born in 2000 are now pretty much adults. Yes, we’re all very, very old.
Monday 3rd April at 10.15pm on FOX (CH 157)
Why you should watch: It’s season two of the darkly compelling drama about demonic possession, from the mind of a major talent.
Which major talent?: Well, it’s from Robert “Walking Dead” Kirkman.
What’s the gist?: It follows the very troubled Kyle Barnes, who investigates gruesome, ghostly goings-on in a small town.
In other words: It’s The Exorcist meets the X-Files.
Facial recognition analysis: Yep, the guy playing Chief Giles IS Freddy the barbecue king from House of Cards.
How To Be A Surrealist With Philippa Perry
Tuesday 4th April at 9pm on BBC Four (CH 107)
Why you should watch: Because this is a gloriously hands-on look at how Surrealism changed the world.
Will there be melting clocks?: Inevitably. Look out for the odd lobster telephone too.
Most fascinating bit: When our host, Philippa Perry, opens the “Bureau of Surrealist Research” and starts recording people’s dreams.
What to say: “I am a purple fish.”
What not to say: “Why can’t they just draw nice pictures of flowers and stuff?”
Tattoo Artist Of The Year
Tuesday 4th April at 9pm on E4 (CH 144)
Why you should watch: It’s a big new talent competition with the nation’s best ink artists battling it out for the top spot.
What to expect: Lots of creative agonising, followed by even more creative buzzing.
What not to expect: Any ship anchors or “Mum” tattoos. This is serious art, people.
What not to do afterwards: Get all excited and have a tattoo done on the spur of the moment.
Quick question: Just who the heck would agree to be one of the human canvases for a frantic tattooing competition? Ah well, there’s always Tattoo Fixers…
Second Chance Summer: Tuscany
Wednesday 5th April at 9pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Ten people who are questioning their lives are brought together to run an Italian farm. With hilarious consequences!
Can we expect the likes of Bill Oddie, Vanessa Feltz and Gary Wilmot?: These are all NON-celebs, thank goodness.
What’s the first challenge?: Harvesting wine grapes. Oh, and fending off rampaging wild boars.
Will there be bickering?: We do hope so.
Posh reality show alert: It’s basically like a poshed-up, Waitrose version of Big Brother.
Wednesday 5th April at 9pm on E4 (CH 144)
Why you should watch: The gorgeous yet gritty post-apocalyptic drama returns for its fourth season, and things are about to get messy.
What’s the set-up?: A century after a nuclear apocalypse, humans have returned from the safety of space stations to re-populate the Earth.
Was there a cliffhanger?: Well, the gang have been warned that nuclear power plants are releasing deadly radiation around the world.
So the Earth might be uninhabitable all over again?: Yup.
Oh dear: But look on the bright side, most of the people still living seem to be utter hotties.
Married By Mom & Dad
Wednesday 5th April at 8pm on TLC (CH 167)
Why you should watch: Because aren’t you curious to know if voluntary arranged marriages can actually work in our day and age?
What actually happens?: Singletons fed up for thinking for themselves ask their parents to vet potential matches for them.
Example singleton: Tonight we meet a former American football player and lady killer who’s had enough of the bedroom-hopping.
Will things get awkard?: Yes, but in the most deliciously enjoyable way.
Best watched while: Swiping left and right on Tinder. You’ll suddenly realise the people on this show are onto something.
Wednesday 5th April on Netflix
Why you should watch: The weird and wonderful “undead detective” series is back.
Weirdest concept ever alert: It’s about a zombie woman who has to eat brains in order to stay “normal”. And is also a fake-psychic sleuth.
Come again?: Eating brains of murder victims gives her insights into the cases, so she helps cops by pretending to have psychic powers. Obvs.
Are there are other zombies too?: More than you can shake a hacked-off human limb at.
Sounds bonkers: Yep, but in the best way.
iZombie will be available to watch from Wednesday 5th April on Netflix
Wednesday 5th April at 9pm on Gold (CH 124)
Why you should watch: It’s a delightfully old-school-style sitcom about a make-believe monarch having a mid-life crisis.
God save the king!: But can he save himself? Henry is desperately trying to find salvation in self-help books and colourful socks.
We are not amused: Actually, we will be, especially when the king starts making googly eyes at the beautiful palace florist.
Scene stealer alert: Don Warrington is ideally cast as the sardonic butler.
A posh pedigree: Henry IX is the latest sitcom from comedy royalty Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, who gave us Porridge, The Likely Lads and so much more.
The Get Down
Friday 7th March on Netflix
Why you should watch: These joyous, vibrant nostalgia trip through 70s New York returns for a new season.
What to expect: Dazzling singing performances, mingling with human drama, love stories and messy politics, all set to a thumping soundtrack.
Dodgy but inevitable comparison: It’s a bit like if Fame was set in the world of disco and hip-hop.
Extra reason to watch: It was created by Baz Luhrmann, director of Moulin Rouge and Strictly Ballroom, who knows a thing or two about putting on a show.
Be warned: You may have to spend the rest of the day streaming Grandmaster Flash tracks online.
The Get Down is available to watch from Friday 7th March on Netflix