Pint-sized chefs pick up their ladles, double-glazing salesmen bring on the lols, while there’s also a deadly serious dystopian epic to get stuck into.
Man vs Child: Chef Showdown
Monday 22nd May at 9pm on Lifetime (CH 208)
Why you should watch: Kid cooks take on fully-grown professional chefs in this rather irresistible new show.
In other words: It’s like a mad mash-up of Junior and Professional MasterChefs.
Sample child: A 7-year-old cook named Estie. Hence the name of the episode, “Don’t Under-ESTIE-Mate Her”.
Surely the grown-up will win?: Don’t assume anything – these kids seem to have emerged from some culinary version of Hogwarts.
Why this show is good for us: Watching pre-pubescents cook up a storm will shame us all into making more of an effort in the kitchen.
Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders
Tuesday 23rd May at 9pm on W (CH 127)
Why you should watch: It’s the brand new season of the show that’s a bit like a holiday programme, but with guns and Gary Sinise.
Best thing about Gary Sinise: That half-disgusted half-smile he always has on his face. It’s like he’s noticed you have a blob of mayo on your lip and doesn’t know whether to mention it or not.
What makes the show different: It’s about a team of globe-trotting FBI agents, so we’re in Cairo one minute and Mumbai the next.
First stop: The new run begins in Tanzania, where an entire church group has gone missing.
Look out for: The episode which is inspired by the exploits of real-life serial killer, the Monster of Florence.
Wednesday 24th May at 10pm on Channel 4 (CH 104)
Why you should watch: It’s another big, juicy, complex, must-watch European thriller. Channel 4 is really getting good at those.
Where is it set?: Amsterdam, but a far cry from the Amsterdam of stag dos and Van Gogh-lovers.
Strong female lead alert: Our lead character is Carmen, who is forced to take the reins of a drug-smuggling operation.
A woman lead in a gangster show?: Yep, how cool is that?
In other words: It’s a bit Breaking Bad and a bit Sopranos, but with a quintessential Euro-thriller flavour.
Wednesday 24th May at 10pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: Sex, drugs and double-glazing. An irresistible basis for a comedy-drama, we think you’ll agree.
What’s the gist?: It’s a riotous tale of unscrupulous double-glazing salesmen hitting their targets, squabbling and getting into dodgy shenanigans galore.
Double-glazing? Bit 80s isn’t it?: Indeed, which is why this show is set in that decade, complete with fat moustaches and bad haircuts.
Who’s in it: A couple of Inbetweeners, plus a handsome chap who was in Gossip Girl.
Chances of 80s nostalgia: 0/10. One look at these boys’ shiny suits and you’ll be glad to be well out of it.
Wednesday 24th May at 9pm on Sky1 (CH 110)
Why you should watch: The criminally entertaining US series struts back onto our screens, and it’s going to be awesome.
Reasons for awesomeness: The exotic locations, the glossy cinematic feel, but mainly James “King of Awesome” Spader.
Where we’re at: After a mid-season break, we’re back in the thick of things with Red (that’s Spader) on the hunt for his former associate, Dembe Zuma.
Warning: You may start thinking about buying and wearing fedora hats after watching.
So I shouldn’t do that?: Not unless you’re James Spader.
Thursday 25th May at 9pm on BBC Two (CH 102)
Why you should watch: It’s a dark revenge thriller about an affair and its dramatic aftermath.
What’s the gist?: Paula is a young science teacher who has a one-night stand with a handsome charmer, which leads to a “dance of mutual destruction”.
Unlikeliest comparison of the year: Denise Gough, who plays Paula, once called herself the “Jeremy Corbyn of actors”.
Impressive pedigree alert: The writer is Conor McPherson, who won an Olivier Award for his play The Weir, hailed as a modern classic.
Watch if you liked: Apple Tree Yard. This should hit the same carnal, intense notes.
Project Runway All Stars
Thursday 25th May at 9pm on Lifetime (CH 102)
Why you should watch: All fashionistas will want to tune into this series, which sees clothes designers battle it out for sartorial supremacy.
Why “all stars”?: All the contestants have previously appeared on the regular Project Runway series.
Look out for: A galaxy of celebrity guest judges, including Laverne Cox from Orange is the New Black, and singer Nicole Scherzinger.
First task: Create designs to fit the “New York scene”.
Oh and by the way: Ivanka Trump appears in the first episode, and this isn’t just fake news.
Friday 26th May at 9pm on Syfy (CH 165)
Why you should watch: Because it’s the most fun you can have while the world ends.
What’s new?: It’s season three of the deliciously dark and complex TV reboot of Terry Gilliam’s iconic movie.
Clear your weekend: Syfy are showing the WHOLE of season three over Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings.
Take that, streaming services: Yes, it seems normal telly can provide binge-watching bonanzas too.
Is this the last season?: Nope, there’s a fourth run in the works. So settle in for a feast of time-twisting apocalyptic mayhem.
Sunday 28th May at 8pm on Drama (CH 128)
Why you should watch: This massive new series is a US civil war drama… with a twist.
Explain?: It’s also a medical drama – think ER but set in the middle of one of the most violent conflicts ever.
Compare it to another show please: OK, the big canvas of characters across the social spectrum also makes it a bit like an American Downton Abbey
Where’s it set?: A hospital which has become a melting pot where soldiers on both the Union and Confederacy sides have to recuperate side by side.
Will it be gory?: There will be the odd amputation, yes. But there’s also romance, professional rivalry, and big sub-plots about slavery.
The Handmaid’s Tale
Sunday 28th May at 9pm on Channel 4 (CH 104)
Why you should watch: This new future-set series about a dystopian, ultra-religious America is absolutely required viewing.
What’s the gist?: The US has become a Christian fundamentalist society where women are utterly subjugated.
Sounds familiar: Perhaps because it’s based on a classic novel by Margaret Atwood, which has been described as a kind of feminist Nineteen Eighty-Four.
Who’s in it?: Elisabeth Moss, who – having given us Peggy in Mad Men – is a dab hand at creating instantly iconic TV characters.
Trivia tidbit: This was previously adapted as a feature film starring Faye Dunaway, Na?tasha Richardson and Robert Duvall.