Pregnancy diary

We follow a first-time mum on her nine month journey.

So I’m pregnant. I. Am. Pregnant. It doesn’t matter how many times I think it, it seems to be taking a while to get my head round it. I think no matter how long you’ve been trying or how much you want a baby, the reality of discovering you are pregnant takes some time to sink in. My brain certainly has some catching up to do with my body. I’d always thought I’d know I was pregnant pretty much straight away. I think I thought I’d somehow feel pregnant. But nothing changed immediately. My boobs were bigger than normal but that’s a monthly thing for me so I didn’t suspect the big P. Though I wince to think of it now, until I did the test, I was still drinking wine like a fish and even having the occasional drag of a cigarette. But as soon as I crossed that little blue line, everything changed. I’d like to say it was in a good way: that discovering I had a new life growing inside me was a wonderful feeling, and I could suddenly see and understand the miracle of life etc. But that just wasn’t true. What I actually felt when I found out was scared, fat, and desperately wanting a large glass of wine and a fag – which of course I couldn’t have. It may sound incredibly shallow but my biggest fear is probably about how much weight I will now put on. Obviously I want the baby to be healthy and happy and the best baby ever born, but that all seems to be a long way off. Right now, I’ve got nine months of guaranteed weight gain ahead of me, and nothing I can do about it. In fact there suddenly seems to be this whole enormous world I know nothing about but I now have to live in. It mostly consists of a long list of Things I’m Not Allowed Anymore. The good news is that loads of these ‘Things’, I now don’t want anyway. I’ve completely gone off booze and coffee, and the slightest whiff of a cigarette makes my stomach turn. But this is the thing. The reason it’s so easy not to want these things is that I feel sick all the time. And I mean ALL the time. I had heard that calling it morning sickness is misleading as nausea can last all day. But I had no idea it could be this completely awful constantly. The only times I don’t feel sick are when I’m actually physically putting food in my mouth. And the only things I can eat without retching are pure stodge. None of which bodes well for any plans of weight management over the next nine months. Then there’s the tiredness. I can go to bed at 8 in the evening, sleep through until 8 in the morning and still need a nap in the afternoon. I’ve had to call in sick at work for the first time ever, because I don’t have the energy to move. On top of all this I can’t tell anyone at work why I look and feel so awful, because apparently you have to wait until you’re 12 weeks (as soon as you’re pregnant people stop talking in months and start talking in weeks. It’s a little confusing and a bit of a challenge if you’re not great at mental arithmetic). This 12-week mark (3 months in old money) is a big psychological barrier. After this, baby is officially ‘safe’ as the chance of miscarrying drops dramatically. Plus ‘morning’ sickness magically disappears. That’s what everyone tells me anyway. If that‘s the case, I for one can’t wait. Next: 3 - 4 months Check out our range of stylish maternity wear