Five reasons Die Hard 5 is a bad idea

Directors Justin Lin, John Moore, Joe Cornish and Nicolas Winding Refn are the men rumoured to be in the frame for the job, but as far as we can tell there's no director on Earth who can make Die Hard 5 a tempting proposition. Here are five reasons why somebody needs to drop this film from the top of a tall building ASAP.

1. Bruce Willis is getting on a bit

Bruce Willis is 56 now, and while we don't wish to sound ageist (we hope we're as fit and agile when we're collecting our bus pass), it's fair to say that action franchises run out of steam when their leading men run out of teeth. Remember Roger Moore wheezing up the Eiffel Tower aged 57 in A View To A Kill? Harrison Ford trying to keep up with Shia LaBeouf at the grand old age of 66 in Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull? You probably do remember them, but let's be honest, you'd rather not.

2. Die Hard 4.0 was no Die Hard

The original is one of the greatest action movies ever, so it seemed a cruel joke that its fourquel bore such little resemblance to it, losing all sense of originality and disappearing into the crowd of noughties action films. The world's least-threatening villain and a PG-13 rating in the US disappointed fans hoping for genuine tension and bone-crunching violence, and the humiliation was complete when even John McClane's sweary catchphrase was cut by censors. A fifth outing isn't just going to have to correct its predecessor's mistakes but also exceed impossible expectations, and nothing we've read suggests that's likely.

3. Part Fives don't have a great track record

Star Trek V, Rocky V, A Nightmare On Elm Street: The Dream Child, Alien vs Predator, Battle For The Planet Of The Apes… Part fives have form, and it's not good. Weirdly, Hollywood hasn't grasped the fact that by the time part five rolls round, we've pretty much had enough of the same stuff happening to the same guy over and over again. Obviously there are exceptions – James Bond is still going strong, and a certain boy wizard successfully navigated eight films without faltering, but these are the exceptions rather than the rule.

4. The script

We haven't read the script (if indeed it exists yet), but we have seen some of Die Hard 5's writer Skip Woods' previous efforts, and if they're anything to go by, hopes are low. Woeful videogame adaptation Hitman, worst X-Men film Wolverine and tragic disappointment The A-Team all point to one thing: Skip Woods probably shouldn't be allowed near a typewriter. What Die Hard 5 needs is some old-school postmodernism from Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout) or a good hard rebooting from someone like Jane Goldman (Kick-Ass, X-Men: First Class).

5. John McClane Jr.

We don't know much about Die Hard 5's story, but we do know that it's set partly in Russia – we can't wait to find out what convoluted plot development gets John McClane there - and it features his son, Jack Gennero. Alarm bells are immediately ringing, and they sound like Shia Labeouf in Indy 4. If this is a baton-handing exercise, we don't want it: the hero of Die Hard is John McClane, not his kids, and if his daughter failed to rescue Die Hard 4.0 then it's hard to see how her brother's going to help this one.

We're not being mean here: we love the franchise (or at least three-quarters of it) and we'd love to see another amazing episode in it, but all the evidence suggests that's never going to happen. It's time to let it go while it's still mostly great, rather than risk it becoming an embarrassment to itself. John McClane is in serious danger of being the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time once too often, only this time no amount of smart-alec quippery is going to help him out.

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