- Artist
- Jessica Simpson
- Label
- RCA
- Release date
- 12th February 2007
- Genre
- Pop
When the Jessica Simpson album arrived on the Virgin Media doormat, interest was certainly pricked by that title: A Public Affair. Oooh, we thought, thinking the blonde strumpet would be providing a witty and insightful critique of a life spent in the spotlight as a high-profile singer and actress, plus the star of a reality TV show concerning her marriage to (now ex) husband Nick Lachey, all conveyed through the medium of sparkling, intelligent pop.
Then the morning coffee kicked in and we realised we were talking utter arse. It’s never nice to feel cheated – as La Simpson’s ex (allegedly) well knows – and, of course, this fifth, yes, fifth album from the Christian Texan is one big empty promise.
Firmly aimed at the lucrative primary school market, Jess has decided to go 80s for her latest effort: not trendy, art school electro 80s, but tinny, disposable, European synthesised pop 80s. Janet Jackson and Madonna circa 1984 are the benchmarks, here. So, first track, and recent single, A Public Affair, unashamedly robs the riff from Holiday by Her Madge-esty, followed by a cover of Dead Or Alive’s You Spin Me Round that is so insipid, you can barely believe it’s the same song.
From there on, A Public Affair is the usual manufactured pop album offal – a ballad or two here, and a platitude or ten there, all ooh-ed and aah-ed by one of the most bland voices a record company has ever spaffed millions upon. Special mention, however, should go to the splendidly titled Push Your Tush which, if only she would shut up, is a quirky funk number you could imagine being quite interesting - if given to a vocalist with talent.
So after all that, you realise there is not much else Ms Simpson could have called this album. Her entire adult life has been a public affair: her vow of virginity until her wedding night, her failed marriage, her utter lack of intelligence (this is a woman who asked if Chicken of the Sea tuna was chicken or fish – who, get this, thought buffalo wings were made from actual buffalo) and her terrible musical output. Roll on the end of the affair.
