Craig Doyle - image courtesy BBC
Hello, my name is Craig Doyle, and I love fossil fuels. I have been using them for around a lifetime now, and I am a fossilfuelaholic.
I just can't hide my addiction anymore. For months now I have been driving my 4x4 around in the dead of night, terrified a family member or bicycle clip-wearing environmentalist might spot me - popping out for milk, only to jump on a plane to burn more fuel and feed my ever increasing addiction. Sometimes I think I can get through the day without petrol or diesel, and then, in the back of a seedy magazine I spot a cheap flight advertised - "young attractive Asian airline looking for a good time" - and before I know it I'm on the phone.
Unbeknown to my wife, our attic hides a treasure trove of magazines, petrol head filth: Jeep Owners Weekly, World's Top Sexiest Aircrafts, The Art Of Cruising, all feeding my sick needs and desires.
Until recently I could hide under the cover of cruising. Whilst most people saw the ship as environmentally friendly, I knew the real carbon emissions and how I desired them. Cruise ship passengers emit almost twice as much carbon as airline passengers; the sheer facts excite me beyond belief. And then comes the deceit: "Oh, I just have the odd cruise, I could give up whenever I want." The shame!
As a single man, dating was unbearable. Whilst friends went for the ladies with a large chest, I always went for girls with the big carbon footprint.
In the 1990's it was spray deodorant, now we are told it's travel that is ruining the planet. Now, I can handle smelling like a lentil-wearing eco warrior, but nobody takes travel away from me!
OK, so perhaps I am just showing off. I realise as we attempt to seriously cut carbon emissions by 2050, cutting back on the odd flight is only going to help. But let's not react like some have, and call for every plane to be grounded.
Consider the livelihoods of those who rely on the tourist industry. Let's keep our frequent flier cards and adopt eco-tourism. Before I scare you off, all that means is that travelling responsibly to natural areas conserves the environment and improves the well-being of local people.
Basically we should fly a little less, and when we do, we should make it matter; embrace the country and the people there and give a little something back.
The best example I have seen of this is in Maputuland in South Africa. Locals own the majority sharehold in the tourist safari lodges and hotels closest to their villages. No decisions can be made without their backing and the profits are pumped back into their community. You see, you can be an eco tourist without even noticing!
Instead of travelling down to Spain's Costas, where mass development is a serious problem, go North to the Picos. Stay in family-run guesthouses and relax on unspoilt beaches. It's all there - you just have to go looking for it, which is not so difficult these days.
In saying all that, I am not getting off my 4x4!
Do you agree with Craig?
Share your views on this hot topic in our message board.
