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Swipe left on dating scams: how to spot romance fraud
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Dating apps and online relationships can spark real connections, but also attract scammers who prey on trust and emotions. Swipe left by spotting the red flags and protect yourself from heartbreak, and financial loss
By Virgin Media Edit
- Published
- 15 September 2025
What are dating scams?
Dating scams, also known as romance fraud, happen when scammers create fake online identities to build a romantic relationship. Their goal isn’t love, but money. They work hard to gain trust and make the relationship feel real. Scammers use charm and emotional language to make money requests seem normal.
These scams often happen on dating apps, social media, or instant messaging platforms, where it’s easy for scammers to hide behind fake photos and made-up stories.
At first, these profiles may seem genuine. The scammer often takes time to build trust, using compelling stories and intense flattery. This is known as ‘love bombing’, before asking for money, saying it’s for an emergency, travel, or other urgent need.
In the UK, Action Fraud reported over 40,000 romance fraud cases between 2020 and 2024, with victims losing an average of £10,000 each.
How dating scams work
Romance scams don’t happen overnight. Fraudsters follow a careful playbook designed to win trust before asking for money. Here’s what usually happens:
1. Fake profiles
Scammers steal photos from social media or modelling websites to create convincing personas. They often pretend to have jobs that explain why they can’t meet in person, like working abroad or in the military.
2. Love bombing
Once contact is made, they work hard to establish trust. Expect frequent messages, long late-night chats, and even early declarations of love. This “love bombing” stage is designed to lower your defences and make the relationship feel real.
3. Inventing a crisis
After weeks or months, a crisis suddenly appears. It could be a medical emergency, a visa issue, or a business setback. The scammer frames it as temporary, but urgent, something only you can help resolve.
4. Asking for money
Finally, they ask you for help. Sometimes it’s small amounts at first, but requests can quickly escalate into thousands of pounds. In some cases, victims are persuaded to hand over personal information or invest in bogus schemes.
5. Emotional manipulation
Scammers often try to control how you feel to make you act in their favour. They may make you feel guilty, responsible, or pressured to act quickly and use flattery to lower your defences, making it harder to question their motives.
Dating scams red flags
Spotting the warning signs early is the best defence against dating scams. While every fraudster has their own script, there are common red flags that should make you pause:
Scammers often give excuses for why they can’t meet or video chat. Common reasons include poor internet, working abroad, or safety concerns. If someone always finds a reason not to meet, take it as a warning.
Scammers can move a relationship from first chat to declarations of love very quickly. They shower you with compliments, attention, and promises to make the connection feel real. This ‘love bombing’ lowers your defences, so you’re more likely to trust them before any request for money appears
Pay attention to inconsistencies in their stories. Changing details about their life, job, or family, or contradictions between what they say and what you find online, are red flags that something isn’t right.
Whether it’s “just a small loan” or buying gift cards, genuine partners don’t ask for cash. Scammers will often fabricate urgent needs like medical bills, travel expenses, and legal fees to pressure you into sending money.
Awkward phrasing, unusual sentence structures, or inconsistent grammar can be a sign that the person is operating from another country or using a template to message multiple victims. While not a guarantee of a scam, it’s worth noting alongside other warning signs.
If you notice two or more of these warning signs, treat the situation with extreme caution. Trust your instincts; if something feels “off,” it probably is.
How to tell if a friend or family member may be victim of romance fraud
Romance scams often start slowly, and the warning signs can be easy to miss. By spotting suspicious behaviour early, you can protect your loved ones before it goes too far. Look out for these common red flags:
Secretive or evasive behaviour: Your friend or relative may give excuses for why they haven’t video-called or met in person, and may become defensive or stop communicating when you ask questions about their partner.
Rapid emotional attachment: They may exhibit intense feelings or discuss commitment very early in the relationship.
Sending money to strangers: They might have sent, or plan to send, money to someone they’ve never met face-to-face, even taking out loans or withdrawing from savings or pensions to do so.
Romance scams can affect people of all ages, but older adults are often targeted because scammers assume they may be more trusting or less familiar with online tricks.
If you’re worried about someone you know, or want tips on protecting elderly family members from scams, check out our guide on protecting the elderly from online fraud.
Swipe left before it’s too late
With a few simple habits, you can drastically reduce your chances of falling victim to dating scams. Think of these as your personal safety checklist:
Keep conversations on the platform at first: scammers often try to move chats from dating apps to WhatsApp, email, or Telegram quickly, where monitoring is harder.
Verify their photos: use a reverse image search (like Google Images) to check if their pictures appear elsewhere online. Be extra careful with profiles that seem too good to be true. Scammers can use AI-generated images or videos to make themselves look real.
Guard your personal details: avoid sharing your home address, workplace, or financial information until you’ve met in person and feel confident.
Never send money: no matter how convincing the story sounds, genuine partners won’t ask for cash, gift cards, or crypto.
Talk it over: share what's happening with a friend or family member you trust. A second opinion can spot red flags you might miss.
Secure your accounts: use strong passwords and enable two-factor authentication on dating apps and linked emails.
A good rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t share something with a stranger on the street, don't share it with someone you’ve only met online.
What to do if you've been victim of a dating scam
Realising you might be dealing with a scammer might feel embarrassing at first, but you're not alone. Acting quickly can limit the damage. Here’s what to do:
Cut off contact immediately: stop replying to messages, block the person, and don’t give them another chance to persuade you.
Report their profile: flag the account to the dating app or social platform so it can be investigated and removed.
Inform the authorities: Report to Action Fraud; elsewhere, contact your local police or fraud agency.
Contact your bank if you’ve sent money or shared banking details; let your bank know right away. They may be able to freeze transactions or monitor your account.
Seek emotional support: being scammed can be deeply upsetting. Talk to friends, family, or support services like Samaritans if you need to.
How Virgin Media is helping you stay safe online
Virgin Media takes your online security seriously and offers built-in tools to help you stay protected from scams, phishing attempts, and unsafe websites.
While no tool can completely prevent romance scams, Essential Security makes it easier to browse online. If you’re a Virgin Media broadband customer, it helps protect against phishing sites and unsafe websites, keeping your devices and personal information safer while you browse.
Not with us yet? Explore our latest broadband deals, all including Essential Security at no extra cost, and enjoy a safer, smarter online experience.
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