The “They Earned How Much?!” Award

Our initial reaction was to hand this gong to Floyd Mayweather, who was paid at least $100m to do a few press conferences and then box a non-boxer. Then we considered presenting it to Tiger Woods, who earned over $37m despite not winning anything at all in 2017. Then we remembered Frank de Boer. The Dutch manager reportedly took home around £2m for his 77-day tenure at Crystal Palace. A short, but definitely not sweet, stint that saw the Eagles score zero Premier League goals and win zero Premier League points. Now that really is money for nothing.

Celebration of the year

The Minnesota Vikings’ leapfrog touchdown celebration was outstanding. So was Sergio Garcia’s “I’ve finally won a golf major” Masters victory roar. And so was Kent bowler Matt Coles’ slug slide. When all was said and done, however, this category was a straight fight between the moment Lionel Messi celebrated his injury time winner in El Clásico by ripping his shirt off and telling Real Madrid’s fans to read his name, and the instant Rafael Nadal celebrated Team Europe’s victory in the Laver Cup by jumping into long-time rival Roger Federer’s arms. It was a close call, but since two icons trump one, our accolade goes to Rafa and Roger.

Mum of the year

We could have given this award to tennis star Serena Williams, who won this year’s Australian Open while two months pregnant, or amateur jockey Nina Carberry, who rode a winner just four months after giving birth. Both were astonishing achievements, but in the end we’re handing this trophy to a middle-aged lady from China. Said lady is the mother of European Tour golfer Li Haotong, and this June she became an internet sensation when she rolled up her trousers and attempted to rescue a golf club that her son had hurled into a lake. The good news? She got it. The bad news? It had snapped in two.

Fashion statement of the year

Honourable mentions go to Arsène Wenger’s always-reliable, never-in-fashion touchline sleeping bag, the ninja outfit Floyd Mayweather wore when entering the ring before his fight against Conor McGregor and Wycombe’s “magic-eye effect” goalkeeper strip. But our joint winners are Lewis Hamilton and Neymar. The super-rich sportsmen became inseparable during September's London Fashion Week. It was an alliance that spawned a variety of “cutting edge” looks; with the most notable being the “full Zoolander” they paraded at the Tommy Hilfiger show. Now, which facial expression do you reckon they are trying to pull – is that a Magnum or a Blue Steel?

Animal pitch invader of the year

From flying ants disrupting Wimbledon to cows rampaging across cricket squares, via alligators sunbathing on PGA Tour fairways and sheep interrupting Welsh football matches, it has been a sensational year for animal interlopers. But while all of the above had their charms, none of them could compete with our winner. Who is… the cute little squirrel who sent social media nuts with excitement when he darted, ducked and dived his way around Manchester City’s ground staff for a whopping eight minutes prior to City’s Carabao Cup tie against Wolves. According to the club, the squirrel was eventually caught and released outside the ground. According to some fans, he was far more entertaining than the 0-0 that followed.

BBC Sports Personality Of The Year 2017, Sunday 17 December, 6.45pm, BBC One/HD (CH 101/108). Also available for 30 days in Catch Up > Channels > BBC iPlayer